When Life is Not the Way It Seems to Be.
POSTED ON: 26 January 2014 @ 3:30 PM | 0 comments
Because life is not the way I wanted,
Because I am lost,
Because I feel like a loser,
I went away.
I went away,
Finding my own strength,
Seeking my own directions,
Trusting in my own choices.
Trusting myself,
Trusting everything else,
Except the One who created me,
The One who loved and is still loving me.
The One who whispered,
'Come to me',
'Come, don't harden your heart.'
'Come to me, my precious.'
'Come!'
But, time and time again,
I trusted myself,
I went away,
Because life is not the way I wanted.
And I stopped.
|
Because life is not the way I wanted,
Because I am lost,
Because I feel like a loser,
I come again.
I come again,
Finding Your strength,
Seeking Your will,
Trusting in You.
Trusting in You,
And not everything else,
Only You, the One who created me,
The One who loved and is still loving me.
The One who never stop loving,
Waiting, correcting
Molding, rebuking,
I am indeed Your precious.
Because I am Your Precious,
This time,
Trusting in You,
I come again
Because I would never even found a LIFE without You.
And I come.
|
Labels: family, God, journey, life, personal, tough
Type of Friend
POSTED ON: 10 January 2013 @ 3:59 AM | 1 comments
In the middle of studying
I thought to myself
'What type of friend do you want to be?'
I know 'this-and-that' happened,
It is not that I wanna break our friendship,
Even though I am at risk of it
Risking away of our friendship
But if this what a real friend should do
I will do it.
I am not judging
I am not taking you away
I am not jealous
Simply, I just love u as a friend
Let's hope
One day when you look back
Through your life
You will know that
It was simply out of LOVE that I am doing this
As I always do.
Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
Labels: friendship, God, life, personal, thought, tough
Able to Love.
POSTED ON: 10 October 2012 @ 3:25 AM | 0 comments
Final year. Time is limited. A day could passed so quickly. Sometimes when I stop and look around, I wondered ' Am I doing enough?' , ' Do I want to leave like this?' . Too many things to be achieved, too little time to accomplished. I am not sad. I just want to do what I really want this few months.
Honestly, things changed here a little bit. But enough to overwhelm me. At first I couldn't cope with it and wanted to just let it go. Then I learned some lessons through it. My love towards people, I couldn't just give up because of unwanted conditions. As much as I am going through trials that can break me, I believe God is expanding my heart to love others just like He does.
Sometimes I do wonder what did Jesus felt to wash Judas's feet knowing he will betray Him? Why He did it knowing that someone will turn against His back. And then I realised Jesus loves Judas too, despite the betrayal that Judas was going to perform. Hmmm. It made me think though, if I knew things are going to change like now..will I perform the same byspending time, love, laugh , share problems like how I did? And my answer is 'Yes'. Because I cannot choose NOT to love someone knowing things will change.Because deep inside my heart, I still do 'sayang' them.
My heart selfishly want things to stay the same. How can I when God is working in each and every lives around me? Thus, I learned to be grateful. Grateful for whatever that happened, moments that carved smiles my university. Even when sometimes tears unexpectedly fell by itself , it's okay because God allows things change to happen for reasons that I will know it one day. For now, I know that
'I choose to love and able to love....
because God loves me first.' :)
1st John 3:16
By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
Labels: God, love, personal, tough
What do You wanna do?
POSTED ON: 21 July 2012 @ 5:57 PM | 3 comments
What do you wanna do with your life, Fong Wan?
These days my brain is full of this question. Maybe it's internship. To reaffirm what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I believe God gave me certain gifts that I can use to reap at certain places and certainly it is not here. Public relation. Office. Facing computer for a whole day. I don't know. Sometimes, I am in position to handle media. Events. Free admission.
I tried to look at things, positively. Tried my best. My Best. But emotions caught me sometimes. Sometimes, tears just overshadowed my vision when I was thinking about it. Franklysaying, this internship is not easy. It is not because of the work or task. But people.
I cannot help but to judge how they treat us sometimes-how they treat one another, how cliquish are they among one another.I do not know that if it that I was treated nicely by people all the time or peoples here are just like that. A friend said, ' You are not suitable for this job.' I denied but now, I think it is true. This place. This corporate-kind-of-job, really is not a place for me.
I see myself working happily, miggling with people, talking to them, comforting them. Impacting people with what I've learnt with God, people and them. Even if I was to face obstacles, I know that I am doing what I love.
Not sitting in front of computer for a day and not allowed to talk in the office. Pretending to be busy even I am not.
Seriously, I can't wait for this to be done. I am transferring to another team next month. I will be over with this team - Media. I don't know what would happened next. But I know what I wanna do for the rest of my life. Certainly, it's not this.
Yesterday, I expressed everything to God. For the first time, I was soOOO angry at God. Even though, I was so angry but my action will not change God Himself. He still continue to be loving, patient and kind towards me which amazed me.
I have learnt. Although people here are workaholic, cliquish, all-the-cooporate-kind-of-attitudes, but I cannot allow myself to be blinded by that by treating them the same. I have to be patient. Even if I cannot stand it anymore, I will run to God. He shall renew my strength to overcome all my difficulties. And I shall not become one of them. I:) I have learnt no matter what how much you dont understand why are you being put in a difficult situation that leave you suffocating, God understand. He is just there. Cry, be angry, just be unglued..coz HE IS THERE.
Galatian 6:9
Let us not be weary in doing food, for at proper time,we will REAP A HARVEST if we DO NOT GIVE UP.
Labels: faithfulness, God, thought, tough
Messily good!:)
POSTED ON: 05 June 2012 @ 5:11 PM | 0 comments
Went to Revo's Reunion. And it was a mess at first. Woke up late. Missed the bus. Bought the tickets again. Travelled 5hours. Lost in KL. Went to Stadium Bukit Jalil instead of Stadium Negara. Exhausted. Walked here and there. A lot of monorails.
*bang*
But when we were in the middle of being lost like lost sheep, I sensed His favours on us. We made it at last. Not too late. At Reunion!!:)
Met my friend, Asen. It's really delightful to witness him in a good church and grow in God. Hmm. Looking back, I had known him for 7years. Grew up together but God is doing great jobs in our lives. Had ups and downs too. Teenage years. Prayers work.
Messily good.:)
Labels: fun, God, past, tough, travel
Graduation.
POSTED ON: 22 April 2012 @ 1:35 AM | 2 comments
I was playing for the convocation as a Jazz Band member today. But the first thought that came to my mind when I was having rehearsal yesterday was 'Next year it will be your turn if you are not selected for the student exchange.' ( I am applying for student exchange and still waiting for the confirmation). My heart skipped a beat.
Because the fact that the time flew so quick that I do not even realised that it's approaching the the end of semester. I was actually worried,you see. I was having McDonald with my Jazz Band friends yesterday and I told them that I might go for student exchange in Australia for a semester and one of them said, 'I will be sad.' Right then,I could not bear to let them go. Having to leave them for a semester,not only them but Persaudaraan Kristian Agape (PKA) and the rest of my uni's friends,that broke my heart. I don't know why.My heart couldn't let go.
A part of me really hope that I will be rejected by the University of Adelaide in Australia and a part of me said,'Well,it's a good experience.' Even my mother is very supportive about it. I applied because I wanted to allow God to decide for me. But playing for convocation today as a Jazz Band members and recalling on how God used me to impact Jazz Band.. I don't know if I am ready to leave all of this behind knowing that I will not join Jazz Band if I return from Australia. I don't know if I am ready to say goodbye to my friends knowing that they will be graduating a semester ahead of me and I would be left with only one semester to spend precious time with them. :'( I don't know if I am ready.
Dear:Heavenly Father,
I don't know Lord on what or how am I feeling toward student exchange program. Even though I said to You that You would the decider for this difficult decision. But my heart couldn't let go of friendships that You've gave me knowing that You have uses me to impact them,to sayang them,to guide them and the same they did to me in return. I don't know Lord if I am ready to let go. I am sorry Lord. But Lord,You have your time for all of the things that going to happen in my life and I believe Your plan is to Prosper me Lord. That in whatever you do Lord, You have Your reasons. Guide me Lord on what to do. For I am really naive and clueless on what to do. But You shall be my guide and way for the race that You have written for me.:) Because I have You, I shall learn not to worry but to cast it unto You. Even when I don't know what to do. Thank you Lord. In Jesus' Name,Amen.
Labels: personal, tough
The path I chose,the decisions I made.
POSTED ON: 18 January 2012 @ 9:08 PM | 1 comments
I am going back tomorrow to Melaka.I have been waiting for this day, just spend my time with my family.
Talking about semester 1,year 2..there were many things that changed.Of course relationships changed as well.I cannot stop thinking who I am close now compared to when I was in first year.Decisions that I made lead to where I am now.Sometimes,I felt sad letting go of some relationships.But letting go is a part of maturing too,right?
Juniors came,seniors gone.Took the role of taking care juniors,care more and showing more love towards people.It was all about receiving but now,giving.It's not easy.Not easy but I know it is worthwhile.Not easy when I have to learn to accept and correcting them in a way that I am concern about them and not condemning them.But they taught me in a way.So many lessons I learn to better myself.
Still,I will not give up in what I want to do.Impacting people's lives.But not forgetting,impacting people's lives through Him.I believe I did but there are more to come.:)
The end of my 2nd year,1st sem.Feeling afraid,honestly by the time.But yeah,He will tell me what to do.=)
Gracias,Lord.Labels: faith, friendship, tough
2012.
POSTED ON: 06 January 2012 @ 10:42 PM | 0 comments
This is my first post in 2012.*proud*.I am having final examination.2012 has been the same as 2011.(as much as now).
Lately,I think I am getting serious.Thought just pondered itself in my mind.There are things that I shouldn't think.I want to break the walls.The walls that I have been struggling all this while.I don't know.I am consider as 22years old now.There are things that I want to do,want to achieve with God,especially.But maybe I am expecting a lot?I am expecting a lot now that I am afraid to do resolutions.
I miss being with family-talking to my sister because she knows me the best.I think I just feel out of place lately.It's not about friends.It's personal.I felt different.I felt I lost 'it'.
Perhaps, I miss Him.
''Someone once told me,that if you think your life is stagnant now.God is doing something in you life,something big.''
May this stagnation overcome with breaking of walls.A closer gap.
Labels: tough
Tough
POSTED ON: 16 November 2011 @ 4:32 AM | 0 comments
It's so tough.Tough to be in a circle of people where I want to be an influence but afraid to be influenced by them.Tough when I have no self-check on what I did was correct or not in the eyes of God.To be not conformed by the world.I pray for a stronger me in encountering challenges that will shape me even better.Through God,I will be strengthen.Forgive me,O'Lord for being fragile.Make me immovable in my thoughts and thinking that You have taught me ,O'Lord.
Labels: tough
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When Life is Not the Way It Seems to Be.
POSTED ON: 26 January 2014 @ 3:30 PM | 0 comments
Because life is not the way I wanted,
Because I am lost,
Because I feel like a loser,
I went away.
I went away,
Finding my own strength,
Seeking my own directions,
Trusting in my own choices.
Trusting myself,
Trusting everything else,
Except the One who created me,
The One who loved and is still loving me.
The One who whispered,
'Come to me',
'Come, don't harden your heart.'
'Come to me, my precious.'
'Come!'
But, time and time again,
I trusted myself,
I went away,
Because life is not the way I wanted.
And I stopped.
|
Because life is not the way I wanted,
Because I am lost,
Because I feel like a loser,
I come again.
I come again,
Finding Your strength,
Seeking Your will,
Trusting in You.
Trusting in You,
And not everything else,
Only You, the One who created me,
The One who loved and is still loving me.
The One who never stop loving,
Waiting, correcting
Molding, rebuking,
I am indeed Your precious.
Because I am Your Precious,
This time,
Trusting in You,
I come again
Because I would never even found a LIFE without You.
And I come.
|
Labels: family, God, journey, life, personal, tough
Type of Friend
POSTED ON: 10 January 2013 @ 3:59 AM | 1 comments
In the middle of studying
I thought to myself
'What type of friend do you want to be?'
I know 'this-and-that' happened,
It is not that I wanna break our friendship,
Even though I am at risk of it
Risking away of our friendship
But if this what a real friend should do
I will do it.
I am not judging
I am not taking you away
I am not jealous
Simply, I just love u as a friend
Let's hope
One day when you look back
Through your life
You will know that
It was simply out of LOVE that I am doing this
As I always do.
Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
Labels: friendship, God, life, personal, thought, tough
Able to Love.
POSTED ON: 10 October 2012 @ 3:25 AM | 0 comments
Final year. Time is limited. A day could passed so quickly. Sometimes when I stop and look around, I wondered ' Am I doing enough?' , ' Do I want to leave like this?' . Too many things to be achieved, too little time to accomplished. I am not sad. I just want to do what I really want this few months.
Honestly, things changed here a little bit. But enough to overwhelm me. At first I couldn't cope with it and wanted to just let it go. Then I learned some lessons through it. My love towards people, I couldn't just give up because of unwanted conditions. As much as I am going through trials that can break me, I believe God is expanding my heart to love others just like He does.
Sometimes I do wonder what did Jesus felt to wash Judas's feet knowing he will betray Him? Why He did it knowing that someone will turn against His back. And then I realised Jesus loves Judas too, despite the betrayal that Judas was going to perform. Hmmm. It made me think though, if I knew things are going to change like now..will I perform the same byspending time, love, laugh , share problems like how I did? And my answer is 'Yes'. Because I cannot choose NOT to love someone knowing things will change.Because deep inside my heart, I still do 'sayang' them.
My heart selfishly want things to stay the same. How can I when God is working in each and every lives around me? Thus, I learned to be grateful. Grateful for whatever that happened, moments that carved smiles my university. Even when sometimes tears unexpectedly fell by itself , it's okay because God allows things change to happen for reasons that I will know it one day. For now, I know that
'I choose to love and able to love....
because God loves me first.' :)
1st John 3:16
By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
Labels: God, love, personal, tough
What do You wanna do?
POSTED ON: 21 July 2012 @ 5:57 PM | 3 comments
What do you wanna do with your life, Fong Wan?
These days my brain is full of this question. Maybe it's internship. To reaffirm what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I believe God gave me certain gifts that I can use to reap at certain places and certainly it is not here. Public relation. Office. Facing computer for a whole day. I don't know. Sometimes, I am in position to handle media. Events. Free admission.
I tried to look at things, positively. Tried my best. My Best. But emotions caught me sometimes. Sometimes, tears just overshadowed my vision when I was thinking about it. Franklysaying, this internship is not easy. It is not because of the work or task. But people.
I cannot help but to judge how they treat us sometimes-how they treat one another, how cliquish are they among one another.I do not know that if it that I was treated nicely by people all the time or peoples here are just like that. A friend said, ' You are not suitable for this job.' I denied but now, I think it is true. This place. This corporate-kind-of-job, really is not a place for me.
I see myself working happily, miggling with people, talking to them, comforting them. Impacting people with what I've learnt with God, people and them. Even if I was to face obstacles, I know that I am doing what I love.
Not sitting in front of computer for a day and not allowed to talk in the office. Pretending to be busy even I am not.
Seriously, I can't wait for this to be done. I am transferring to another team next month. I will be over with this team - Media. I don't know what would happened next. But I know what I wanna do for the rest of my life. Certainly, it's not this.
Yesterday, I expressed everything to God. For the first time, I was soOOO angry at God. Even though, I was so angry but my action will not change God Himself. He still continue to be loving, patient and kind towards me which amazed me.
I have learnt. Although people here are workaholic, cliquish, all-the-cooporate-kind-of-attitudes, but I cannot allow myself to be blinded by that by treating them the same. I have to be patient. Even if I cannot stand it anymore, I will run to God. He shall renew my strength to overcome all my difficulties. And I shall not become one of them. I:) I have learnt no matter what how much you dont understand why are you being put in a difficult situation that leave you suffocating, God understand. He is just there. Cry, be angry, just be unglued..coz HE IS THERE.
Galatian 6:9
Let us not be weary in doing food, for at proper time,we will REAP A HARVEST if we DO NOT GIVE UP.
Labels: faithfulness, God, thought, tough
Messily good!:)
POSTED ON: 05 June 2012 @ 5:11 PM | 0 comments
Went to Revo's Reunion. And it was a mess at first. Woke up late. Missed the bus. Bought the tickets again. Travelled 5hours. Lost in KL. Went to Stadium Bukit Jalil instead of Stadium Negara. Exhausted. Walked here and there. A lot of monorails.
*bang*
But when we were in the middle of being lost like lost sheep, I sensed His favours on us. We made it at last. Not too late. At Reunion!!:)
Met my friend, Asen. It's really delightful to witness him in a good church and grow in God. Hmm. Looking back, I had known him for 7years. Grew up together but God is doing great jobs in our lives. Had ups and downs too. Teenage years. Prayers work.
Messily good.:)
Labels: fun, God, past, tough, travel
Graduation.
POSTED ON: 22 April 2012 @ 1:35 AM | 2 comments
I was playing for the convocation as a Jazz Band member today. But the first thought that came to my mind when I was having rehearsal yesterday was 'Next year it will be your turn if you are not selected for the student exchange.' ( I am applying for student exchange and still waiting for the confirmation). My heart skipped a beat.
Because the fact that the time flew so quick that I do not even realised that it's approaching the the end of semester. I was actually worried,you see. I was having McDonald with my Jazz Band friends yesterday and I told them that I might go for student exchange in Australia for a semester and one of them said, 'I will be sad.' Right then,I could not bear to let them go. Having to leave them for a semester,not only them but Persaudaraan Kristian Agape (PKA) and the rest of my uni's friends,that broke my heart. I don't know why.My heart couldn't let go.
A part of me really hope that I will be rejected by the University of Adelaide in Australia and a part of me said,'Well,it's a good experience.' Even my mother is very supportive about it. I applied because I wanted to allow God to decide for me. But playing for convocation today as a Jazz Band members and recalling on how God used me to impact Jazz Band.. I don't know if I am ready to leave all of this behind knowing that I will not join Jazz Band if I return from Australia. I don't know if I am ready to say goodbye to my friends knowing that they will be graduating a semester ahead of me and I would be left with only one semester to spend precious time with them. :'( I don't know if I am ready.
Dear:Heavenly Father,
I don't know Lord on what or how am I feeling toward student exchange program. Even though I said to You that You would the decider for this difficult decision. But my heart couldn't let go of friendships that You've gave me knowing that You have uses me to impact them,to sayang them,to guide them and the same they did to me in return. I don't know Lord if I am ready to let go. I am sorry Lord. But Lord,You have your time for all of the things that going to happen in my life and I believe Your plan is to Prosper me Lord. That in whatever you do Lord, You have Your reasons. Guide me Lord on what to do. For I am really naive and clueless on what to do. But You shall be my guide and way for the race that You have written for me.:) Because I have You, I shall learn not to worry but to cast it unto You. Even when I don't know what to do. Thank you Lord. In Jesus' Name,Amen.
Labels: personal, tough
The path I chose,the decisions I made.
POSTED ON: 18 January 2012 @ 9:08 PM | 1 comments
I am going back tomorrow to Melaka.I have been waiting for this day, just spend my time with my family.
Talking about semester 1,year 2..there were many things that changed.Of course relationships changed as well.I cannot stop thinking who I am close now compared to when I was in first year.Decisions that I made lead to where I am now.Sometimes,I felt sad letting go of some relationships.But letting go is a part of maturing too,right?
Juniors came,seniors gone.Took the role of taking care juniors,care more and showing more love towards people.It was all about receiving but now,giving.It's not easy.Not easy but I know it is worthwhile.Not easy when I have to learn to accept and correcting them in a way that I am concern about them and not condemning them.But they taught me in a way.So many lessons I learn to better myself.
Still,I will not give up in what I want to do.Impacting people's lives.But not forgetting,impacting people's lives through Him.I believe I did but there are more to come.:)
The end of my 2nd year,1st sem.Feeling afraid,honestly by the time.But yeah,He will tell me what to do.=)
Gracias,Lord.Labels: faith, friendship, tough
2012.
POSTED ON: 06 January 2012 @ 10:42 PM | 0 comments
This is my first post in 2012.*proud*.I am having final examination.2012 has been the same as 2011.(as much as now).
Lately,I think I am getting serious.Thought just pondered itself in my mind.There are things that I shouldn't think.I want to break the walls.The walls that I have been struggling all this while.I don't know.I am consider as 22years old now.There are things that I want to do,want to achieve with God,especially.But maybe I am expecting a lot?I am expecting a lot now that I am afraid to do resolutions.
I miss being with family-talking to my sister because she knows me the best.I think I just feel out of place lately.It's not about friends.It's personal.I felt different.I felt I lost 'it'.
Perhaps, I miss Him.
''Someone once told me,that if you think your life is stagnant now.God is doing something in you life,something big.''
May this stagnation overcome with breaking of walls.A closer gap.
Labels: tough
Tough
POSTED ON: 16 November 2011 @ 4:32 AM | 0 comments
It's so tough.Tough to be in a circle of people where I want to be an influence but afraid to be influenced by them.Tough when I have no self-check on what I did was correct or not in the eyes of God.To be not conformed by the world.I pray for a stronger me in encountering challenges that will shape me even better.Through God,I will be strengthen.Forgive me,O'Lord for being fragile.Make me immovable in my thoughts and thinking that You have taught me ,O'Lord.
Labels: tough
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I tried to look at things, positively. Tried my best. My Best. But emotions caught me sometimes. Sometimes, tears just overshadowed my vision when I was thinking about it. Franklysaying, this internship is not easy. It is not because of the work or task. But people. 
Yesterday, I expressed everything to God. For the first time, I was soOOO angry at God. Even though, I was so angry but my action will not change God Himself. He still continue to be loving, patient and kind towards me which amazed me.
