Planned-out Plans!
POSTED ON: 04 April 2014 @ 11:30 AM | 0 comments
Been planning out life, but nothing goes according to what I planned. I guess I am frustrated and disappointed. Not once but a few. But but but, I learnt lessons through this season.1) I always want to be god of my life.
I love planning and want things my ways. Rather than just submitting it to God, I choose to plan my life and how I should live, forgetting this life is supposed to be a worship unto the Lord. Well, I am kinda like making my life a worship for myself. So much of self-fulfillment , isn't it? Totally forgotten, that I was already dead but made alive in Christ, supposingly my new life is a platform/tool/ agent/ ambassador ( u name it) of Christ.
2. Don't always ask God for a YES as answer rather asking God for His will.
One thing about the selfish me is that I always want God to answer my prayers. Like 'I wanna do this', 'Give me this', 'Grant me this' and 'Help me with this' rather than, 'O'Lord, answer my prayer according to Your will, that no matter answers You give, I will accept it knowing You are a sovereign God.' I also realised I always prepare myself for the good result but not the bad result. So I have learnt I need to always prepare for a NO answer knowing that my God is GOOD.
3. My God really really really sees things in bigger picture. (like way bigger and awesomer)
I see my future with my eyes and want it the way I think it is good. But I believe that God have better and way awesome plans for me if only I am willing to submit in His ways. Like seriously. I just have to trust that He is going to use me greatly, no matter how blurry is the road in front of me. I just gotta trust in my Dad. 'Give me life in Thy ways' ... I learned that in camp and I am so going to practice it. :)
Last but not least, I was watching this movie 'The Tree of Life' and there was this quote in the movie which left quite an impact on me.
The nuns taught us there are two ways through life … the way of Nature… and the way of Grace. You have to choose which one you'll follow. Grace doesn't try to please itself. Accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. Accepts insults and injuries. Nature only wants to please itself. Get others to please it too. Likes to lord it over them. To have its own way. It finds reasons to be unhappy... when all the world is shining around it... when love is smiling through all things.
(2 Corinthians 5 :14-15) For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again.
Labels: adventure, blessed, Jesus, journey, life, personal
When Life is Not the Way It Seems to Be.
POSTED ON: 26 January 2014 @ 3:30 PM | 0 comments
| Because life is not the way I wanted, Because I am lost, Because I feel like a loser, I went away. I went away, Finding my own strength, Seeking my own directions, Trusting in my own choices. Trusting myself, Trusting everything else, Except the One who created me, The One who loved and is still loving me. The One who whispered, 'Come to me', 'Come, don't harden your heart.' 'Come to me, my precious.' 'Come!' But, time and time again, I trusted myself, I went away, Because life is not the way I wanted. And I stopped. |
Because life is not the way I wanted, Because I am lost, Because I feel like a loser, I come again. I come again, Finding Your strength, Seeking Your will, Trusting in You. Trusting in You, And not everything else, Only You, the One who created me, The One who loved and is still loving me. The One who never stop loving, Waiting, correcting Molding, rebuking, I am indeed Your precious. Because I am Your Precious, This time, Trusting in You, I come again Because I would never even found a LIFE without You. And I come. |
Labels: family, God, journey, life, personal, tough
Letter from Myself.
POSTED ON: 13 January 2014 @ 8:26 PM | 0 comments
Received a letter from myself that I wrote months ago.And I read this sentence,
"Your life is not about leaving your legacy but leaving HIS legacy so that people will come to know that He is the only way, truth and life."
Thank you for the reminder, O'Lord.
Labels: adventure, blessed, Jesus, journey
Self-Discovery
POSTED ON: 07 January 2014 @ 12:46 AM | 0 comments
Coming back to this place, I've learnt even more about myself, family and really really about myself. I guess the most tragic thing about a human is not willing to take step to correct oneself after knowing the flaws or mistakes. The reasons? Fear or ignorance? Or both?
I used to ask why Dr Jekyll wants to be separate his evil side. I mean why cannot he just accept that a human comprises good and evil and correct himself from there. But I think now, I understand why Dr Jekyll chose to do that. Sometimes the truth that how far we can go with our bad thoughts or actions surprises us. It made us, dislike ourselves.
But I guess life is a long journey of life-discovery. The great thing with all the bad things you are facing is that it make you understand the others really well. It made you sympathize with them and be in their shoes because you were once there. I learnt to understand most of the times, because I was there.
But after everything that I faced, and am still facing...I know that there is always hope. Hope is the only source where change can takes place. If hope comes from faith in God, then God is the only source where change can takes place.
Labels: journey, life, personal
Few more days.
POSTED ON: 23 December 2013 @ 2:20 PM | 0 comments
8 more days
to the last day of 2013. Wow! Time really really really flies.
Looked around, many changes had took place. I
have a work. I am officially a teacher. I am a graduate. I started to learn to
be more responsible in my life. No more doing whatever I like just because I
like it. *shouting ‘I AM A GROWN-UP*. Haha. Finally, (like FINALLLYYY!!) I understand that every decision comes
with its consequence. Some friends are in oversea, some friends are heading abroad,
some friends are graduating, some friends are pursuing Master degree and some
friends are still studying.
Looking
back and reflecting the year of 2013, I think many and many ( like really MANNNNY) things had taken place.
I had my last semester in university, quitted Jazz Band, prepared my heart to
leave, reluctant to leave, went to Camp Cameron, went to be a teacher in an
International School, pulled my hair because of students, had an awesome convocation with family and friends, went
through a phase of adapting at home after three years, found a church to be
called a home-church, went back to university as a graduate and many many many
smiles, tears, memories and friendships in between.
I would
regard this year as the BEST YEAR so far not because many things had took place
but because I know I can never face all these seasons mentioned without my only
and one understanding and faithful Dad. So many changes and yet I am still
standing still, I am amazed how everything fall into place at the end of the
day.
I guess I
am really an adult at last. *pull my hair and shout NOOOOO*
P/S: As we
prepare our heart for Christmas and New Year, lets us reflect our year with
thankfulness and gratefulness that we are still alive and safe. May you walk
into the new year with the mind that He will always hold your hand as you face
a new year of adventures. May you grow
in Word and to grasp His unfailing love for you.
Merry
Christmas and Blessed NEW YEAR 2014 (*eyes open wide..like I am going to be 24 already??! haha)
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Labels: adventure, beautiful, blessed, happy, journey, life, newseason, newyear
Back.
POSTED ON: 05 November 2013 @ 9:32 PM | 0 comments
Guess where did I come back from???? I just came back from Universiti Malaya's Persaudaraan Kristian Varsiti camp!I know it was really weird that I joined a camp not being a student there but I believe God works in very unique way.
Clement asked, ' What makes you join our camp?'
I replied, ' I guess God has to pull me back to where I grow the most (university) to retell me that He is the author and perfecter of faith. That He will know how I feel and that I don't have to run away from Him.
**(Not exactly the exact things I said to Clem, there are rephrasing)
It is good to take a break from all of the things that hinder me from getting to a greater height with God. Now I am refreshed, it is time to minister and serve in where I am now with all my heart to the Lord,
Because I am reminded...
1st Corinthians 15: 8
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
Labels: camp, God, journey, life, refresh
Because of Ah Phang!
POSTED ON: 04 August 2013 @ 5:36 PM | 0 comments
It is Sunday again. But today, PKA's new batch Excos are here to do Committee Retreat Planning (CPR). It always really really nice to see these faces of darlings in the church. But even with that short meet-up, I am already so delighted but also with a little bit swollen heart inside of me.
Then, I also received this gift from a friend of mine in Penang. I cried. Why? Because when I read the card, I am feeling exactly what she is feeling. I miss her . I miss people whom I 'sayang' in USM. I think when I came back to this home of mine, I came back with 'compare mindset' Even with family, I was thinking, 'My friends in Penang would do this, why can't them?'
I cannot deny it will take a little bit more time to let go of the previous chapter that God had blessed me with. I am gonna miss the people that I used to be with so much.So so much. Sometimes my tears fell itself when I thought of it, without realising. But I am not going to allow all of these to hinder His works in my life in Melaka. I am gonna embrace these emotions but will work together hand-in-hand with grace with my Father.
It will take time but My Father is here with me. :')
Dear Ah Phang, I miss you. :') You know I actually cried when I read that. Thank you for your continuous encouragement and love even though we are far apart. Never knew why I deserve a friend like you till now. I will always bring Donkey wherever I go to remember God's goodness in my life because He gave me friend like you. I may not see you that often anymore which actually secretly sadden me, but I will try my best okay? I really cant wait to see you again in September. Arr, I am tearing again. But you know how much you meant to me. Even though we are far apart , but you are always CLOSE to my heart. Distance is not a problem when we have the heart , love and effort. :) Me sayang YOU a lot. :')
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| Helllow Donkey P!! |
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| Thank you Ah Phang! |
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| These are my reactions when I got the Donkey! This is for YOU, AH PHANG!
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And once again, I am thankful for all the things You have done, my Lord.
Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come
I will never understand how wide, deep and great is Your love for me. But I am thankful for everything EVERYTHING You have done for me in the past, the blessings You poured unto me, My Lord.. Because of what You did, I am able to stand before you and have a personal relationship with you. Thank you for taking in all unpleasing character of mine and wanting to mold me even though I am unworthy. Thank you for loving me, for a wretch like me. Thank you for dying for me. :')
Labels: bestfriend, blessed, friendship, God, journey, love, personal, sister
A reason.
POSTED ON: 16 June 2013 @ 5:53 PM | 1 comments
I think in life, when we cannot stand someone or we were irritated by someone...naturally our human mind will lashes out all the negative thoughts about the person. For example, 'Why couldn't he/she be more mature? Things are simple isn't it? ; 'Why does he/she has to be so mean to me?' ; 'What makes he/her hates me or treat me like this?' ; ' Why did I do to deserve such a treatment?'; 'Why he/she has to act out like that?' ...and the list goes on and on.
It is true that it is harder to be a bigger person in this situation and it is easier to respond and lashes out anger to these people who really needs a spank on their face. But for there are so many reasons to not love/dislike/hate them, can we find at least a reason to LOVE them unconditionally? Just a reason will do...
'Just find a reason to love despite many reasons to not.'
I know it is really really really difficult to choose to see things from the other side but just because someone do not deserve to be loved but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be loved. Come to think of it, all of us do not deserve His Love. But that doesn't mean God don't want to love us.
In this world of chaos, in the world of cold-hearted people, in this world where true love seem impossible to exist ; Hold on to the reason why you love which is because..... God loves everyone. Shift your perspective to another side where understanding and actions are needed to melt the heart of the people and point them to who and where True Love is . Might be hard along the way, but as long as God is smiling and delighted because you are loving His people..it is worth it. Well, at least you are sowing to please the Spirit and from the Spirit will reap eternal life. (in ref Gal 6:8)
God is love. Therefore love. Without distinction, without calculation, without procrastination, love. (Henry Drummond)
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land. (Psalm 37:8-9)
In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. (1 John 4:9-11)
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Labels: friendship, God, journey, life, love, thought, Word of God
Cheerios.
POSTED ON: 17 May 2013 @ 3:45 AM | 0 comments
This post is for this girl, PHANG CARMEN. Why? Because I always wanted to write about her. Yeah, and because today I was reflective about my university journey and this girl is a must-for-me to write because I really sayang her.
I remembered seeing her in NC. That time everyone said to me ,' You should know Carmen lah'. I am like ,' Who is this girl?. Last week as I was talking to her , she said that I am her one of good friends. I am like so honoured. This girl is President for our university CF. Why would she consider me as her good friend? HAHA.
Turned out, the feeling is mutual. Turned out, she is one of the best things that happened to me in university. I always that God placed her in my life to equip me with His love and His wisdom. This girl always look at things so differently that I can learn from her. This girl always so fired up for God. This girl always always lend her helping hands when I have no one to turn to. She always says to me , 'Fong Wan, you know you always come to me when you don't have enough money.' :') God knows what I need in life, it is not about money. It is about reassurance He will provide.
Today I just want to tell her this:
Dear Phang Carmen,
I am really thankful for you. Yes, you! I know you might hear this many times, but I really think I sayang you. Thank you for everything you have done. Always so welcoming. Always so accepting. Like a family , I can rely when I have no one to turn to. I am really grateful for your presence in my life. Thank you for showing me Christ's love towards people. Thank you for living God's way. Thank you for just being there for me caring for me as I go somewhere. Thank you for teaching me lessons . Thank you for regarding me as your good friends. I may not be that good but in your eyes, you always see the best in me. So many things great things about you, but thank you so so much for choosing to LOVE me despite everything. :') WE will definitely cheer one another up to keep our eyes on Him and run the race with endurance, okay? Let finish the race and demonstrate of His love to family and the ones we care okay? Let's be friend forever until we go heaven okay? And we shall dance with joy with Him in His kingdom. :')
1st Year
First meet in National Conference (N.C)
2nd Year
3rd Year
MUAHHHHHHHH!!!! *Love love love*
Labels: adventure, beautiful, blessed. graduation, faithfulness, friendship, God, journey, kawan sejati, life, love, person, university
Packing Process
POSTED ON: 17 April 2013 @ 12:54 AM | 0 comments
'When you travel to another destination, you don't bring EVERYTHING with you. You pack what is the most ESSENTIAL to bring with you to the other place. Not because you don't want, but because you can't. Too many load , it makes it hard for one to travel.'
I heard that from a wise woman about closing a chapter in your life before sailing to the next one. So, who do you want to bring , to journey along with you for the rest of your life? Why? Is it mutual in thought, action , understanding and love? What values that you want to keep that you've learnt and what do you want to throw?
Think about it. :) Let God be your guide. *smile*
Labels: friendship, God, journey, random, thought, university
Escape!!!
POSTED ON: 13 April 2013 @ 7:11 PM | 0 comments
*Yays*. I went to Escape. *pat myself*. It is a theme park consist of monkey business with three levels of adventurous obstacles that you have to overcome and many more other activities. Monkey business ranged from the easiest (Level 1) to the most diffcult (Level 3). So, it was a sunny Friday morning that I've decided to go with my chemistry friends, right after coming back from graduating Langkawi trip with Steph and Aud.
And so, I am writing not to brag about how well I did with Escape, about how brave was I..how it was so enjoyable accomplishing all three levels.I am here to to tell you I was really scared overcoming those obstacles even though I know I was protected by the chain-like used for flying
fox.
fox.
The protection chain.
Especially during the first level. It is like I couldn't trust the capability of the protection, how it will always catches me even if i fall. So I was struggling believing how safe I was, at first level. I think in life, sometimes even though we know God is there to protect us , to bring us through it , we struggle believing that He will. Life with God in Christianity is not one way relationship. You have the privilege to say 'Yes' or ' No'. As much as God is always there to give us His best, are u willing to just trust in Him, with faith to just GO for it?
When I was up there wanting to jump down, I was shouting inside my heart ' God help me, please God.' When I finished it, I was like, 'Yays, that was not as hard as I thought'. It's so true especially when we face with obstacles in life itself..sometimes all it takes it just a decision to just go for it, listen to what God says. He said He will be with you. So, just enjoy the ride.
I had the worst experience but the most worthwhile ones when I did the third level of monkey business. At first I was so pumped and I was quick to finish one of the third level. ( there are three routes in three levels). I didn't even rest and I headed for the MOST DIFFICULT monkey business. and guess what, I was STUCK twice. I guess I should have rest at first. But I was so excited that I forgot 'rest'. Rest and reflect in life is important as well. When God created the world, the seventh day was for rest. So, I think I have to learn to rest in life and not so much of being so excited to do works for God and forgot to spend time with Him.
When I was stuck twice, I was really tired. My physical body told me, 'You cannot do it, Fong Wan.' My brain tells me, 'You can. You are born to do this.' And I was really really really tired. Twice, I asked for RESCUE and twice I managed to get up just before they came to rescue me. At first, I told them..'No, don't rescue me. I wanna do this myself.' By as time goes by, I tend to give up more easily. It is true that in life as we walk for so long, we give up what we desire initially. We were not brave as how we used to be. Maybe because the journey of life itself is windy and long. Sometimes disappointments of getting up itself requires too much strength, and it is okay just to stay 'stuck' because it is easier that way. But you know you can get up, it is whether you want it or not. If God had prepared you for this challenge, believe me when I say, He will bring you out of it.
Spot me? Was sitting on the rope!
'Stuck'
The first 'stuck'
One more, friend's encouragements are stronger than you think. The way they gives you a thumb up when you finish the race, the way they say, 'You can do it! One more!' , how they scold you when you gives up half-way..I hope to be that friend for my friends. :)
Friends that encourage.
When I was hanging up there too, there was this UK little boy asked me ' Are you okay? Do you need help?' , I said, 'No, I am okay here.' .He responded, ' Do you know you will die if they don't rescue you?'. I said, ' Never mind. I have God.' . HAHAHA. What a respond?'
So, that was some bit of lessons I learned from Escape Theme Park. Good experience. Good companion. Safe and sound. Reminded me so much of God, which I didn't know why. Gonna apply this in my life,
'Never mind, I have God'. :)
Labels: adventure, bless, friendship, God, holiday, journey, random, university
Happy Birthday , Ah Kuan!!
POSTED ON: 27 March 2013 @ 1:38 AM | 0 comments
I have a lot of brothers ( close guy friends ) throughout Form 6 till today, in university. But I have only ONE blood-tied brother .
His name is Daryl Tham King Kuan!!
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AH KUAN!!
As cute as me , you see! HAHAHA
This brother of mine is younger than me two years old. But whenever he goes out with me, people will assumed that he is three years older than me due to his size and height. HAHAHA.
My brother cooks better that I do. And he loves to ask my sister and I to try on the food that he cooked. My brother is such a funny person that I cannot resist laughing at his weird lame jokes. (I think my whole family jokes) .
When we were young, we slapped one another's faces because our dad asked us as a form of punishment. And it was so funny that we ended up crying because we slapped each other too hard.
He is currently working in Brunei. He is kinda like the breadwinner of the family. It is because I am still pursuing my studies, my brother is working now. Sometimes , I felt like I owe him an apology for being the one that provides for my mom and family.
I was 19, and he was 17.
We were eating in Papa Pizza in 2010.
Sis, bro and I. One year ago.
Chinese New Year 2013. This year!:)
Dear Ah Kuan,
This is for you to tell you how much I appreciate your presence in my life. A part of me is very very very thankful that you are my brother , that you are out there working to support the family. I am also thankful that you had been so strong emotionally and always so thoughtful for you always think for family. You are more than what you think you are . I really hope that I can share your burdens soon . I also begin to appreciate you more now. I thank God for you in my life, that I may continue studying without any major struggles because you were there to solve the problems that I couldn't. Thank you, Ah Kuan. You maybe strong and big outside but I know you are a gentle soul inside. So whoever who bully you, please tell me!I wallop him/ her! HAHAHA. I just wanna tell you it's your birthday. Happy 21st birthday. Thank you for your presence this 21 years and I give u the things you want when I have my first salary okay? :) Take care brother! I miss you!!! And I will always always always there for you in the future. Like what mom used to teach us, ' Even if the whole world turn against your brother, you should not. You should love your brother instead.'
This is for you to tell you how much I appreciate your presence in my life. A part of me is very very very thankful that you are my brother , that you are out there working to support the family. I am also thankful that you had been so strong emotionally and always so thoughtful for you always think for family. You are more than what you think you are . I really hope that I can share your burdens soon . I also begin to appreciate you more now. I thank God for you in my life, that I may continue studying without any major struggles because you were there to solve the problems that I couldn't. Thank you, Ah Kuan. You maybe strong and big outside but I know you are a gentle soul inside. So whoever who bully you, please tell me!
Labels: beautiful, birthday, bless, brother, family, God, journey, life, love
Cherishing.
POSTED ON: 17 March 2013 @ 3:08 AM | 1 comments
Week five.
As the time flies without realising, the heart begins to have its own difficult phase of letting go too.
Many events took place. Left Jazz Band, went PKA Family camp, did insanity work-outs, laughed, had random night-outs and fellowships with people I know I would definitely miss when I sail to another chapter of life adventure.
It's the people that I will miss in this place ; be it PKA or Jazz Band. I know nothing is permanent physically. Nothing stays the same. People walks in and out in life...
But I promise,
I will smile when I thought of the things we did and endured.
For the remaining time that I am having, I pray of the same prayers every morning - To have His sensitive eyes and heart ; to be used as His vessel to demonstrate of His love. But everyday, I am so blessed by the people that He have sent to bless me. Maybe it is because the time is really short, I begin to notice and give thanks for the people God had sent to bless me. From them, I've learnt so much more. From them, God demonstrated His love.
I have nothing but contentment in me. I can ask for nothing more. But to walk even more faithfully in Him for this last semester. I remembered I told Him that I wanna grow in Him and to be equipped even more; to make this last semester even more impactful through Him.
Because of that, God had blessed me so much more. Just because I choose to follow Him. Just because I want to know Him more. Just because I choose Him instead of my desires. Just because I choose to seek Him in times that I cannot handle by myself. And there you go, God just lavishes unexpected loving blessings through people to me.
Even with a reluctant heart of knowing I will sail away to another chapter of life adventure with Him...I choose to cherish and embrace the remaining time I have by exhibiting His Love to people whom Him love. I will continue to finish this journey , by walking faithfully with Him, to love like Him ...for I know I am here in USM because it's is where He wanted me to be ; a destination of the life journey to equip me, mold me, shape me to finish the works He had instilled for me. For greater plans.
And so with all I am, I will march with the heart of cherishing towards the ending chapter of this destination with everything He wants me to learn, to see, to give and to receive, with the hope He will find me faithful.
''All my delight is in You Lord, all of my hopes, all of my strength.'
Labels: blessed, content, faith, friendship, God, journey, university
