Giver.
POSTED ON: 11 September 2013 @ 11:27 PM | 0 comments
As I was praying with the sisters in church, I was really convicted by this word, 'Giver'. I think I am blinded by the money that I am earning. I think that the salary I am earning , it is not enough. Therefore, I am giving tuition to students from my school. I was given two students. And I wanted more. I think 'money' eventually blinded me in the process of having more. And with the assumed sum of money that I am going to earn, I started to plan what I want to achieve in this one year. I can tell you the plans that I have, it is so self-oriented. For example, going to New Zealand for work and travel.
I did not ask God about this. I just decided that I wanna save up for it. Because I just want to do it. And now I have two students that I am going to give tuition to and it gonna take up Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. And I am already foresee weariness. Somehow promise is a promise.
I ask myself sometimes, 'Why are you doing this, Fong Wan?Why?' I can tell you honestly that I am doing all of these not for family, not for people around me... but for me. Then today, I realised I became selfish! So selfish and so self-oriented , I forgot and lost my identity as a daughter of Christ that gives. And I couldn't recognise the giver I used to be.
But today I am reminded again the ultimate reason I came back to this place is to give, to minister to my mother, brother, sister and people around me. And also to see God and witness His goodness in times of difficulties. In camp, I drew God was walking with me along the hills, up and down. Now I understand why I drew that. Because life is not easy but God promised He would walk with me.
I don't want to give out of convenience but I wanna be a greater giver that give in times of inconvenience because that would mean so much more, with Him and for Him.
Because my Jesus gave and still giving, I am giving too!
Labels: beautiful, family, God, home, personal
Doing what you do.
POSTED ON: 01 September 2013 @ 8:54 PM | 0 comments
What is your passion?
What are the things you believe in?
Go all out and live for the passion and everything you believe in.Because these two things are going to push you whenever you feel like a failure. There are reasons why you are living the way you living. Believe me when I said, ' You are what you made because of your choices.'. For me , it's...
Labels: God, random, thoughts
Happy birthday MALAYSIA!
POSTED ON: 31 August 2013 @ 12:17 AM | 0 comments
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MALAYSIA!!!
Doesn't matter 31st August or 16th September, today is the day that we remember we have this NATION. May I learn to care and weep for you as I grow older. May I learn to love you and continue to fight for you and your people. May I not turn away but care when I see injustices. May I continue to love you deeply like how God loves you too,Malaysia. May I never stop praying for you and never to lose hope despite hopelessness. You are loved, Malaysia! MUAH!
Labels: blessed, Father's love, justice. election, Malaysia
A Job!
POSTED ON: 30 August 2013 @ 11:00 PM | 0 comments
Found a job!! It is a teaching post! I am going to teach primary students. I am happy!! I know that I am going to get this job actually because I believe God will provide.
Nevertheless, I talked to my mother about the amount of money I have to give to her monthly. When she told me about the amount, I told her that I cannot give that much because I just couldn't. But I know that deep inside my heart, I put myself above my family. I know I was being selfish.
I was talking to an auntie in the church, she told me that I have to give my mother no matter what because we have to honour our parents. It strikes me how I always put myself first rather that God (as to not follow His ways by honouring parents)and also family. I also came across this picture in Facebook quoting, 'Sometimes you think your parents couldn't give you the things you want but no knowing they gave you everything they have.'
So many times, I really envy of others who can do whatever they want but never did I thought that my mother gave everything she can have in her life to give me a better life. All I do is compare and blame. I must have disappointed her with my selfish thinking and actions. But I am also grateful that I know this right now.
Even with the money that I am earning now, it can never be enough but I would love to use it to glorify God and exhibit God's love towards my family. If I cannot part with the money I am earning, I don't think I can be a good testimony to my family. As I was struggling with this too, a thought came to me when I was talking to my mother...'She is aged, she might go one day...the money you are earning.. give her WHILE YOU CAN.'
I , myself experienced first-hand the pain and regret of losing the love one. I am not going to feel the same for the thing that I can do but not. And I am just going to really really really depend on God..on Him..for this season. Because He knows and understands. :')
1st John 3 :16-18 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children,let us not love with words or speech but with ACTIONS and in TRUTH.
Labels: family, God, home, learnt, lesson, life, melaka, quote
Because of Ah Phang!
POSTED ON: 04 August 2013 @ 5:36 PM | 0 comments
It is Sunday again. But today, PKA's new batch Excos are here to do Committee Retreat Planning (CPR). It always really really nice to see these faces of darlings in the church. But even with that short meet-up, I am already so delighted but also with a little bit swollen heart inside of me.
Then, I also received this gift from a friend of mine in Penang. I cried. Why? Because when I read the card, I am feeling exactly what she is feeling. I miss her . I miss people whom I 'sayang' in USM. I think when I came back to this home of mine, I came back with 'compare mindset' Even with family, I was thinking, 'My friends in Penang would do this, why can't them?'
I cannot deny it will take a little bit more time to let go of the previous chapter that God had blessed me with. I am gonna miss the people that I used to be with so much.So so much. Sometimes my tears fell itself when I thought of it, without realising. But I am not going to allow all of these to hinder His works in my life in Melaka. I am gonna embrace these emotions but will work together hand-in-hand with grace with my Father.
It will take time but My Father is here with me. :')
Dear Ah Phang, I miss you. :') You know I actually cried when I read that. Thank you for your continuous encouragement and love even though we are far apart. Never knew why I deserve a friend like you till now. I will always bring Donkey wherever I go to remember God's goodness in my life because He gave me friend like you. I may not see you that often anymore which actually secretly sadden me, but I will try my best okay? I really cant wait to see you again in September. Arr, I am tearing again. But you know how much you meant to me. Even though we are far apart , but you are always CLOSE to my heart. Distance is not a problem when we have the heart , love and effort. :) Me sayang YOU a lot. :')
 |
| Helllow Donkey P!! |
 |
| Thank you Ah Phang! |
 |
These are my reactions when I got the Donkey!
This is for YOU, AH PHANG!
 |
| Spongebob Drawing FOR YOU! |
|
And once again, I am thankful for all the things You have done, my Lord.
Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come
I will never understand how wide, deep and great is Your love for me. But I am thankful for everything EVERYTHING You have done for me in the past, the blessings You poured unto me, My Lord.. Because of what You did, I am able to stand before you and have a personal relationship with you. Thank you for taking in all unpleasing character of mine and wanting to mold me even though I am unworthy. Thank you for loving me, for a wretch like me. Thank you for dying for me. :')
Labels: bestfriend, blessed, friendship, God, journey, love, personal, sister
I am Home.
POSTED ON: 28 July 2013 @ 7:39 PM | 1 comments
It had been a week since I came back from Cameron Camp. When people asked me whether I have this post-cameron-camp-syndrome, I told them, 'Yeahhh..but I am also having more of this post-graduation-from-USM-syndrome'. Honestly, I miss everything about PENANG, USM and everyone who is going to be there in September. Sometimes , I wish September would come a little bit faster so that I can see familiar faces again. Because of that, I did not feel that I am home.
I know the ministry at home is not going to be easy. But I love what Mother Teresa said that 'We can do no great things only small things with great love.' It reminded me on how little things that were done out of love that really matter to God than doing big great things out of own desires. Maybe just washing plates, sweeping floor, listening to sister, listening to brother, accompanying my mother to watch television...just being there to help as much as I can... in little things,out of love that matters.
It was hard at first when I came back especially the first few days in Melaka. I wanted to run, to go to somewhere where I can do what I want, to have the freedom to be who I want to be..but I know deep inside of me, I was being very selfish just by thinking of that. How can I leave my family behind and not be there for them after what I've learnt of Him in the past three years? How can I know God by myself and not share Him and demonstrate Him with my loves one?
My family needs love, not the normal love...but my Father's perfect love. And I know...I know now God is here with me..in this family of mine. Yes, right now, this house! God loves this family too. And I know it is not going to be easy. But I am not giving up. I am not giving up serving this family because I know God is not giving up as well.
So finally after some days of re-adapting here, I just want to say..'I am home.' And I am glad I am home.I know this journey can be a little bit shaky ahead, but I will stand firm with Christ as the foundation. Because God so loved my mother, brother and sister too that He ALSO gave up His only begotten son to die for them. With that, I will try my best but also reminded to let God to do the rest. So yeah... I am home, people!
1st Corinthians 15:58 : Therefore my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labour in the Lord is not in vain.
1st Corinthians 16: 13-14: Be on your guard, stand firm in faith, be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.
Labels: blessed, family, Father's love, firm, God, home, thoughts
Give me Life in Thy Ways.
POSTED ON: 23 July 2013 @ 3:09 PM | 1 comments
I am back from Cameron Camp 2013. Couldn't believe that I endured three weeks of cold weather. It was really really really a good experience to deal with obstacles in life. I came in to Cameron Camp , wanted to be equipped with God's Word. But well, I guess Daddy got another plan for me. He wanted to me to be ME!
Weird huh? I guess when I accepted Jesus Christ as my saviour..I forgot that He wanted to love me for who I am. Never did I know that all He want is to ACCEPT ME for who I really am. All I look forward is to please Him with the best that I can and neglecting my weaknesses and do not embrace the fact that I am FONG WAN, the one who also know life hurts.
Because of the obstacles of life which made me stronger but it also resulted me to ignore things that allow me to appear 'weak' to others. Because of that, I never wanted to share during my first week in camp. But I learnt to share to the Lord whom love me for who I am even though it was really difficult. Because I know deep inside of me, it was worth it.
After attending camp, indeed one of the crucial answers were answered. I remembered asking God, 'I am willing to give up everything for you, even to go to the end of earth for you...why are you not sending me?' But now I know it is because I never know how to be a daughter to serve Him, but rather a servant that want to serve Him with all my strengths forgetting to embrace my weaknesses too.
And that was the most important thing I have learnt in Cameron Camp. I know in me, I am not strong enough to endure this life with so many obstacles that going to tear me down, but I am going to stand firm in my Daddy who is going to cry, walk , smile, sit and comfort me whenever I know I cannot do it.
Funny how God always have another way to awaken you from your mistakes. But well, He is after-all the Creator and knew me while I was in mommy's womb...Thank you, Dad! Thank you for wanting to love me and showing me grace despite knowing I will fail you. :'))))))
Labels: blessed, cameron, camp, Daddy, God, personal
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Giver.
POSTED ON: 11 September 2013 @ 11:27 PM | 0 comments
As I was praying with the sisters in church, I was really convicted by this word, 'Giver'. I think I am blinded by the money that I am earning. I think that the salary I am earning , it is not enough. Therefore, I am giving tuition to students from my school. I was given two students. And I wanted more. I think 'money' eventually blinded me in the process of having more. And with the assumed sum of money that I am going to earn, I started to plan what I want to achieve in this one year. I can tell you the plans that I have, it is so self-oriented. For example, going to New Zealand for work and travel.
I did not ask God about this. I just decided that I wanna save up for it. Because I just want to do it. And now I have two students that I am going to give tuition to and it gonna take up Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. And I am already foresee weariness. Somehow promise is a promise.
I ask myself sometimes, 'Why are you doing this, Fong Wan?Why?' I can tell you honestly that I am doing all of these not for family, not for people around me... but for me. Then today, I realised I became selfish! So selfish and so self-oriented , I forgot and lost my identity as a daughter of Christ that gives. And I couldn't recognise the giver I used to be.
But today I am reminded again the ultimate reason I came back to this place is to give, to minister to my mother, brother, sister and people around me. And also to see God and witness His goodness in times of difficulties. In camp, I drew God was walking with me along the hills, up and down. Now I understand why I drew that. Because life is not easy but God promised He would walk with me.
I don't want to give out of convenience but I wanna be a greater giver that give in times of inconvenience because that would mean so much more, with Him and for Him.
Because my Jesus gave and still giving, I am giving too!
Labels: beautiful, family, God, home, personal
Doing what you do.
POSTED ON: 01 September 2013 @ 8:54 PM | 0 comments
What is your passion?
What are the things you believe in?
Go all out and live for the passion and everything you believe in.Because these two things are going to push you whenever you feel like a failure. There are reasons why you are living the way you living. Believe me when I said, ' You are what you made because of your choices.'. For me , it's...
Labels: God, random, thoughts
Happy birthday MALAYSIA!
POSTED ON: 31 August 2013 @ 12:17 AM | 0 comments
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MALAYSIA!!!
Doesn't matter 31st August or 16th September, today is the day that we remember we have this NATION. May I learn to care and weep for you as I grow older. May I learn to love you and continue to fight for you and your people. May I not turn away but care when I see injustices. May I continue to love you deeply like how God loves you too,Malaysia. May I never stop praying for you and never to lose hope despite hopelessness. You are loved, Malaysia! MUAH!
Labels: blessed, Father's love, justice. election, Malaysia
A Job!
POSTED ON: 30 August 2013 @ 11:00 PM | 0 comments
Found a job!! It is a teaching post! I am going to teach primary students. I am happy!! I know that I am going to get this job actually because I believe God will provide.
Nevertheless, I talked to my mother about the amount of money I have to give to her monthly. When she told me about the amount, I told her that I cannot give that much because I just couldn't. But I know that deep inside my heart, I put myself above my family. I know I was being selfish.
I was talking to an auntie in the church, she told me that I have to give my mother no matter what because we have to honour our parents. It strikes me how I always put myself first rather that God (as to not follow His ways by honouring parents)and also family. I also came across this picture in Facebook quoting, 'Sometimes you think your parents couldn't give you the things you want but no knowing they gave you everything they have.'
So many times, I really envy of others who can do whatever they want but never did I thought that my mother gave everything she can have in her life to give me a better life. All I do is compare and blame. I must have disappointed her with my selfish thinking and actions. But I am also grateful that I know this right now.
Even with the money that I am earning now, it can never be enough but I would love to use it to glorify God and exhibit God's love towards my family. If I cannot part with the money I am earning, I don't think I can be a good testimony to my family. As I was struggling with this too, a thought came to me when I was talking to my mother...'She is aged, she might go one day...the money you are earning.. give her WHILE YOU CAN.'
I , myself experienced first-hand the pain and regret of losing the love one. I am not going to feel the same for the thing that I can do but not. And I am just going to really really really depend on God..on Him..for this season. Because He knows and understands. :')
1st John 3 :16-18 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children,let us not love with words or speech but with ACTIONS and in TRUTH.
Labels: family, God, home, learnt, lesson, life, melaka, quote
Because of Ah Phang!
POSTED ON: 04 August 2013 @ 5:36 PM | 0 comments
It is Sunday again. But today, PKA's new batch Excos are here to do Committee Retreat Planning (CPR). It always really really nice to see these faces of darlings in the church. But even with that short meet-up, I am already so delighted but also with a little bit swollen heart inside of me.
Then, I also received this gift from a friend of mine in Penang. I cried. Why? Because when I read the card, I am feeling exactly what she is feeling. I miss her . I miss people whom I 'sayang' in USM. I think when I came back to this home of mine, I came back with 'compare mindset' Even with family, I was thinking, 'My friends in Penang would do this, why can't them?'
I cannot deny it will take a little bit more time to let go of the previous chapter that God had blessed me with. I am gonna miss the people that I used to be with so much.So so much. Sometimes my tears fell itself when I thought of it, without realising. But I am not going to allow all of these to hinder His works in my life in Melaka. I am gonna embrace these emotions but will work together hand-in-hand with grace with my Father.
It will take time but My Father is here with me. :')
Dear Ah Phang, I miss you. :') You know I actually cried when I read that. Thank you for your continuous encouragement and love even though we are far apart. Never knew why I deserve a friend like you till now. I will always bring Donkey wherever I go to remember God's goodness in my life because He gave me friend like you. I may not see you that often anymore which actually secretly sadden me, but I will try my best okay? I really cant wait to see you again in September. Arr, I am tearing again. But you know how much you meant to me. Even though we are far apart , but you are always CLOSE to my heart. Distance is not a problem when we have the heart , love and effort. :) Me sayang YOU a lot. :')
|
| Helllow Donkey P!! |
|
| Thank you Ah Phang! |
|
These are my reactions when I got the Donkey!
This is for YOU, AH PHANG!
|
| Spongebob Drawing FOR YOU! |
|
And once again, I am thankful for all the things You have done, my Lord.
Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come
I will never understand how wide, deep and great is Your love for me. But I am thankful for everything EVERYTHING You have done for me in the past, the blessings You poured unto me, My Lord.. Because of what You did, I am able to stand before you and have a personal relationship with you. Thank you for taking in all unpleasing character of mine and wanting to mold me even though I am unworthy. Thank you for loving me, for a wretch like me. Thank you for dying for me. :')
Labels: bestfriend, blessed, friendship, God, journey, love, personal, sister
I am Home.
POSTED ON: 28 July 2013 @ 7:39 PM | 1 comments
It had been a week since I came back from Cameron Camp. When people asked me whether I have this post-cameron-camp-syndrome, I told them, 'Yeahhh..but I am also having more of this post-graduation-from-USM-syndrome'. Honestly, I miss everything about PENANG, USM and everyone who is going to be there in September. Sometimes , I wish September would come a little bit faster so that I can see familiar faces again. Because of that, I did not feel that I am home.
I know the ministry at home is not going to be easy. But I love what Mother Teresa said that 'We can do no great things only small things with great love.' It reminded me on how little things that were done out of love that really matter to God than doing big great things out of own desires. Maybe just washing plates, sweeping floor, listening to sister, listening to brother, accompanying my mother to watch television...just being there to help as much as I can... in little things,out of love that matters.
It was hard at first when I came back especially the first few days in Melaka. I wanted to run, to go to somewhere where I can do what I want, to have the freedom to be who I want to be..but I know deep inside of me, I was being very selfish just by thinking of that. How can I leave my family behind and not be there for them after what I've learnt of Him in the past three years? How can I know God by myself and not share Him and demonstrate Him with my loves one?
My family needs love, not the normal love...but my Father's perfect love. And I know...I know now God is here with me..in this family of mine. Yes, right now, this house! God loves this family too. And I know it is not going to be easy. But I am not giving up. I am not giving up serving this family because I know God is not giving up as well.
So finally after some days of re-adapting here, I just want to say..'I am home.' And I am glad I am home.I know this journey can be a little bit shaky ahead, but I will stand firm with Christ as the foundation. Because God so loved my mother, brother and sister too that He ALSO gave up His only begotten son to die for them. With that, I will try my best but also reminded to let God to do the rest. So yeah... I am home, people!
1st Corinthians 15:58 : Therefore my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labour in the Lord is not in vain.
1st Corinthians 16: 13-14: Be on your guard, stand firm in faith, be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.
Labels: blessed, family, Father's love, firm, God, home, thoughts
Give me Life in Thy Ways.
POSTED ON: 23 July 2013 @ 3:09 PM | 1 comments
I am back from Cameron Camp 2013. Couldn't believe that I endured three weeks of cold weather. It was really really really a good experience to deal with obstacles in life. I came in to Cameron Camp , wanted to be equipped with God's Word. But well, I guess Daddy got another plan for me. He wanted to me to be ME!
Weird huh? I guess when I accepted Jesus Christ as my saviour..I forgot that He wanted to love me for who I am. Never did I know that all He want is to ACCEPT ME for who I really am. All I look forward is to please Him with the best that I can and neglecting my weaknesses and do not embrace the fact that I am FONG WAN, the one who also know life hurts.
Because of the obstacles of life which made me stronger but it also resulted me to ignore things that allow me to appear 'weak' to others. Because of that, I never wanted to share during my first week in camp. But I learnt to share to the Lord whom love me for who I am even though it was really difficult. Because I know deep inside of me, it was worth it.
After attending camp, indeed one of the crucial answers were answered. I remembered asking God, 'I am willing to give up everything for you, even to go to the end of earth for you...why are you not sending me?' But now I know it is because I never know how to be a daughter to serve Him, but rather a servant that want to serve Him with all my strengths forgetting to embrace my weaknesses too.
And that was the most important thing I have learnt in Cameron Camp. I know in me, I am not strong enough to endure this life with so many obstacles that going to tear me down, but I am going to stand firm in my Daddy who is going to cry, walk , smile, sit and comfort me whenever I know I cannot do it.
Funny how God always have another way to awaken you from your mistakes. But well, He is after-all the Creator and knew me while I was in mommy's womb...Thank you, Dad! Thank you for wanting to love me and showing me grace despite knowing I will fail you. :'))))))
Labels: blessed, cameron, camp, Daddy, God, personal
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