A ROAD WITH HIM HOLDING

''By a roadside in the wilderness,He'll lead me and rivers in the desert will I see...''

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Few more days.

POSTED ON: 23 December 2013 @ 2:20 PM | 0 comments

8 more days to the last day of 2013. Wow! Time really really really flies.

Looked around, many changes had took place. I have a work. I am officially a teacher. I am a graduate. I started to learn to be more responsible in my life. No more doing whatever I like just because I like it. *shouting ‘I AM A GROWN-UP*. Haha.  Finally, (like FINALLLYYY!!) I understand that every decision comes with its consequence. Some friends are in oversea, some friends are heading abroad, some friends are graduating, some friends are pursuing Master degree and some friends are still studying.

Looking back and reflecting the year of 2013, I think many and many ( like really MANNNNY) things had taken place. I had my last semester in university, quitted Jazz Band, prepared my heart to leave, reluctant to leave, went to Camp Cameron, went to be a teacher in an International School, pulled my hair because of students, had an awesome convocation with family and friends, went through a phase of adapting at home after three years, found a church to be called a home-church, went back to university as a graduate and many many many smiles, tears, memories and friendships in between.

I would regard this year as the BEST YEAR so far not because many things had took place but because I know I can never face all these seasons mentioned without my only and one understanding and faithful Dad. So many changes and yet I am still standing still, I am amazed how everything fall into place at the end of the day.

I guess I am really an adult at last. *pull my hair and shout NOOOOO*

P/S: As we prepare our heart for Christmas and New Year, lets us reflect our year with thankfulness and gratefulness that we are still alive and safe. May you walk into the new year with the mind that He will always hold your hand as you face a new year of adventures.  May you grow in Word and to grasp His unfailing love for you.

Merry Christmas and Blessed NEW YEAR 2014 (*eyes open wide..like I am going to be 24 already??! haha)



Labels: adventure, beautiful, blessed, happy, journey, life, newseason, newyear


Move. On.

POSTED ON: 17 December 2013 @ 11:32 PM | 0 comments

Was not reluctant to go this time. Maybe when it is time, it is time. I am glad I met up with people that I love. But was even happier to see how they moved on with their lives. Life is meant to move forward. We can always stop to take a pause, to reflect and to rest. But, never to choose to stuck at the same phase. You may lose so many opportunities to do so much more. 






Labels: beautiful, blessed, friendships, life, seeyouagain


Same!

POSTED ON: 16 October 2013 @ 9:32 AM | 0 comments

Different chapter but SAME, CONSTANT GOD!





Labels: adventure, beautiful, blessed, faith, God, happy, thought


EVERYTHING I ever needed.

POSTED ON: 15 September 2013 @ 9:53 PM | 0 comments

I've had many tears and sorrows,
I've had questions for tomorrow,
there's been times I didn't know right from wrong.
But in every situation,
God gave me blessed consulation,
that my trials come to only make me strong.

I've been to lots of places,
I've seen a lot of faces,
there's been times I felt so all alone.
But in my lonely hours,
yes, those precious lonely hours,
Jesus lets me know that I was His own

I thank God for the mountains,
and I thank Him for the valleys,
I thank Him for the storms He brought me through.
For if I'd never had a problem,
I wouldn't know God could solve them,
I'd never know what faith in God could do

Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.

Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word.

Who am I that He wants to stay beside me when I cry? Who am I that He is willing to hear the complains that I made? Who am I that He decided to love? Who am I that He willing to wash my ugliness with His Beauty and Blood? Who am I that He cares ? Who am I ?

And yet, He chose to clothe me with everything that I needed ; EVERYTHING I ever needed.








Labels: beautiful, bless, blessed, Daddy, God


Giver.

POSTED ON: 11 September 2013 @ 11:27 PM | 0 comments

As I was praying with the sisters in church, I was really convicted by this word, 'Giver'. I think I am blinded by the money that I am earning. I think that the salary I am earning , it is not enough. Therefore, I am giving tuition to students from my school. I was given two students. And I wanted more. I think 'money' eventually blinded me in the process of having more. And  with the assumed sum of money that I am going to earn, I started to plan what I want to achieve in this one year. I can tell you the plans that I have, it is so self-oriented. For example, going to New Zealand for work and travel.

I did not ask God about this. I just decided that I wanna save up for it. Because I just want to do it. And now I have two students that I am going to give tuition to and it gonna take up Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. And I am already foresee weariness. Somehow promise is a promise. 

 I ask myself sometimes, 'Why are you doing this, Fong Wan?Why?' I can tell you honestly that I am doing all of these not for family, not for people around me... but for me. Then today, I realised I became selfish! So selfish and so self-oriented , I forgot and lost my identity as a daughter of Christ that gives. And I couldn't recognise the giver I used to be.

But today I am reminded again the ultimate reason I came back to this place is to give, to minister to my mother, brother, sister and people around me. And also to see God and witness His goodness in times of difficulties. In camp, I drew God was walking with me along the hills, up and down. Now I understand why I drew that. Because life is not easy but God promised He would walk with me.

I don't want to give out of convenience but I wanna be a greater giver that give in times of inconvenience because that would mean so much more, with Him and for Him.

Because my Jesus gave and still giving, I am giving too! 



Labels: beautiful, family, God, home, personal


Thank you. :)

POSTED ON: 27 June 2013 @ 11:06 PM | 0 comments

''Packing is a little bit different this time; I am packing memories as well.''

I know this day will arrive. This day where this university life will come to an end. I still remember my mother sent me to this island and I cried when she went back alone and was grateful she made a trip here. I cried to her telling her that I have no friend. I cried because I was alone. How time flies.

Today, I know if I cry...I cry of joy because my God supplies all the needs that He knows I need in this university---- He gave me everything that made this university chapter such a worthwhile chapter. How I have grown towards Him, how I have grown to love people around me...this things I will never never never see myself as, three years ago. Marvellous things He did and transformed in me. 

I know the road ahead could be a little bit stormy and windy. I know with all the doubts and uncertainties I may fall but I choose to live with Him and for Him. I believe that everything that I've learnt here , it will be enough for me to move forward for the next chapter. A friend of mine wrote this to me, 'I will let you go because I know God has in-stored so much more for you, for your journey ahead.'

There you go, I am leaving this place with the heart of gratefulness and joy because of my God who is ever faithful and my friends that never stop encouraging and draw me close to our God each day. :) I know that even in times of trouble in the future, I will look back, looking at this chapter and reminisce the works and love my Father had done and shown through the people around me and will preserve and finish strong with my eyes set upon Him and continue establishing His kingdom with actions of love.

With this, see you again people! It's never goodbye! Thank you so much for even in every little things you have done.


Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.

(Psalm 36:5)

Labels: adventure, beautiful, blessed. graduation, friendship, God, kawan sejati, university


W.R.I.T.E

POSTED ON: 12 June 2013 @ 3:56 PM | 0 comments

The weather was too good. So I wanted to write in my journal. I was writing and writing and I realised how beautiful is writing especially to your love ones. For me, I write to God in my journal with black ink pen ( because I like cursive handwritings) and I read it again when I am bored or discouraged by circumstances around me. And because it was written to God, it was real and nothing was hideous.

So I was thinking about the whole concept of writing to God. Then I remembered the Bible, the only existing evidence of written Word from God. Then, I remembered watching ' The Day after Tomorrow', where this man tried to save Bible because he said 'This is the oldest book in the world and I want to save it.' I am not sure if he died at the end of the movie or what was his intention of saving the Bible but imagine when the whole world collapses, would you rather risk your life to save the Word of God or you would just save your life so that you can live?

It amazes me how the Word of God still real and relevant to these days. It is God-breathed and it speaks to us. I mean it was written thousand of years before and it is still relevant till today. WOW! Marvellous isn't it? I guess sins never change (Maybe the form of sin changes due to the access of technology and materials we have now). But what happened in the past is still pretty much relevant today. God knows and that is why He provides us Bible to speak to us and guide us .And for those unsung heroes and the authors of the Books that write, copy and preserve the Bible ,I am just amazed by their dedication to serve and write. 

Writing is a gift. And gifts are supposed to be used for God; for goodness and His glory. If you can write, write to God ; tell Him how is your days, praise Him..etc. If you can write, write to encourage one another. If you can write, write to influence people around you or people who read your writings. Who knows what they can take away from your writings?? Use your gift well. :)

“The Spirit and the Word must be combined. If I look to the Spirit alone without the Word, I lay myself open to great delusions also. If the Holy Ghost guides us at all, He will do it according to the Scriptures and never contrary to them.” George Mueller

'You can make anything by writing.' CS Lewis

Labels: beautiful, God, hope, random, thought, Word of God, writing


Hands.

POSTED ON: 02 June 2013 @ 10:10 PM | 0 comments

I went to Prayer at P.E.N.H.O.P (Penang House of Prayer) last Friday. It had been one year since I went there. The last time I went was during my first year? Haha. I couldn't really remember.

We were worshiping God and was singing . Then I was looking at the palm of my hands. And maybe because of the light, my hands were clear and smooth. I am not saying that my hands are beautiful. It just that, that very pair hands are not that beautiful. It was dirty. It stole, touched, slapped , punch and it sinned. It went on to do the things I hated most about myself. 


But at the same time, I was just amazed that the very same hands, God wants to hold it. He wants to hold it and bring the person with that hands to greater height. At that time, I was thinking, 'God must have loved so much that He wants to hold these dirty hands. And perhaps when He was looking at it , He saw how dirty were those hands but willing to wipe the dirt away. He didn't cut the hands away but He wanted to clean it.' I am still imperfect to this days and I will continue to do things that maybe unpleasant to Him but I know my Father will not stop loving me because of these imperfections. And because of this Love, I will choose to do what is pleasing to Him, to do what is right for Him, to love who He loves and to forgive because He forgives. 


God cares about you and choose not to care how dirty your hands are because He loves you instead. His love and grace is so perfect that it overcome your imperfections.The question is, 'Are you willing to let the dirt on your palm of your hands to be cleaned by Him?'




Titus 3:3-7: For we ourselves were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another. But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior, that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

Labels: beautiful, faithfulness, God, hope, life, love, prayer


University.

POSTED ON: @ 9:31 PM | 0 comments

One more month left before the closing for this very chapter that I would remembered for the rest of my life. In this chapter, I realised and know God more personal than ever and being equipped so many lessons and values that I couldn't even expressed. For His unfailing love, that enabled me to be changed and transformed. Looking back, I was this girl who need to be taken out from her broken place, to be healed and to be drawn closer to Him. Looking at it now, I am really delighted that I decided to follow Him. I am on the way to be the person He wants to be. To be mold and shaped. :)

In this chapter itself, I met beautiful people who loves me despite anything , who wants to carry me forward in their life. So much for this three years. I could't even imagine my life without this people that coloured my life. I am really thankful for you, yes you  ( I know who reads my blog) who are reading this for you have been in my life, to even show me loves and advice through your actions and words. 

Brothers and sisters, though our path crossed may stopped here but I will earnestly look forward for the day we will be celebrating in heaven. But at the mean time, live your life for Him. :)

Labels: beautiful, blessed. graduation, faith, faithfulness, God, love, university


Cheerios.

POSTED ON: 17 May 2013 @ 3:45 AM | 0 comments

This post is for this girl, PHANG CARMEN. Why? Because I always wanted to write about her. Yeah, and because today I was reflective about my university journey and this girl is a must-for-me to write because I really sayang her.



I remembered seeing her in NC. That time everyone said to me ,' You should know Carmen lah'. I am like ,' Who is this girl?. Last week as I was talking to her , she said that I am her one of good friends. I am like so honoured. This girl is President for our university CF. Why would she consider me as her good friend? HAHA.




Turned out, the feeling is mutual. Turned out, she is one of the best things that happened to me in university. I always that God placed her in my life to equip me with His love and His wisdom. This girl always look at things so differently that I can learn from her. This girl always so fired up for God. This girl always always lend her helping hands when I have no one to turn to. She always says to me , 'Fong Wan, you know you always come to me when you don't have enough money.' :') God knows what I need in life, it is not about money. It is about reassurance He will provide.

Today I just want to tell her this:

Dear Phang Carmen,

I am really thankful for you. Yes, you! I know you might hear this many times, but I really think I sayang you. Thank you for everything you have done. Always so welcoming. Always so accepting. Like a family , I can rely when I have no one to turn to. I am really grateful for your presence in my life. Thank you for showing me Christ's love towards people. Thank you for living God's way. Thank you for just being there for me caring for me as I go somewhere. Thank you for teaching me lessons . Thank you for regarding me as your good friends. I may not be that good but in your eyes, you always see the best in me. So many things great things about you, but thank you so so much for choosing to LOVE me despite everything. :') WE will definitely cheer one another up to keep our eyes on Him and run the race with endurance, okay? Let finish the race and demonstrate of His love to family and the ones we care okay? Let's be friend forever until we go heaven okay? And we shall dance with joy with Him in His kingdom. :')


1st Year
First meet in National Conference (N.C)




2nd Year



3rd Year 









MUAHHHHHHHH!!!! *Love love love*

Labels: adventure, beautiful, blessed. graduation, faithfulness, friendship, God, journey, kawan sejati, life, love, person, university


King of Love.

POSTED ON: 31 March 2013 @ 4:34 PM | 0 comments

Received salvation the day after Blessed Easter 8 years. Reason? Because at that time, I have no hope, nothing to hold on, no one to turn to. And then I went to this play on Easter Day and I saw this man who was beaten, bleed and risen from grave. I am like , ' Who is this man? He is blameless and why He did this?'

This is the Jesus Christ, the God of the religion that my family asked me not to convert myself. In my thought, I was thinking, 'Isn't this man good. Why mommy and daddy asked me not to believe in Him?'. I did not ask much on why, what, should I this or that ... I know the next day after the play, I prayed a simple prayer. I said to Him, ' You have given me hope that I've been hoping for. You took away things I've been struggling.I don't know what I should do but I know that You are real like I can sense you and I want to know you.'


In a blink of an eye, it's EIGHT years now and I must say, this God of mine.. He is so faithful to me that sometimes I cannot take it. I meant, if I have to face with me.. I would just give up on me. But He did not give up.

That's the truth of Christianity, that Jesus Christ was resurrected on the cross because God never gave up on us. He sent His son to redeem us from sin, to give us the gift of Grace, to conquer wages of sin which is Death and give us everlasting Life that was already paid on the cross.

Today, I stand before the Worship in church.. singing 'Hallelujah, My God is a RISEN King.' . In my heart, I am really joyful that IT IS FINISHED. He is RISEN! It is done , my dear friend. No more. No more this and that. DONE!
Because Jesus DIED and He ROSE again!

The ultimate truth is that , It is all about Jesus Christ's resurrection. It is the part that gives you hope and reason to live.

Let me tell u a secret ..

If Jesus can die for you, what makes you think that He will give up on you? Why He came down to Earth and give up His life for you..shed His blood for you..? For what? 

Because.. He loves you . He never want to give up on You. He LOVES YOU, my dear friend. 

'At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was she'd for me
There's no greater love than this 
You have overcome the grave 
Your glory fills the highest place 
What can separate me now '

Roman 5:9-11

9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through Him! 10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.





Labels: beautiful, faith, faithfulness, God, love, personal


Happy Birthday , Ah Kuan!!

POSTED ON: 27 March 2013 @ 1:38 AM | 0 comments

I have a lot of brothers ( close guy friends ) throughout Form 6 till today, in university. But I have only ONE blood-tied brother . 

His name is Daryl Tham King Kuan!! 



And HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AH KUAN!!


As cute as me , you see! HAHAHA

This brother of mine is younger than me two years old. But whenever he goes out with me, people will assumed that he is three years older than me due to his size and height. HAHAHA.

My brother cooks better that I do. And he loves to ask my sister and I to try on the food that he cooked. My brother is such a funny person that I cannot resist laughing at his weird lame jokes. (I think my whole family jokes) .

When we were young, we slapped one another's faces because our dad asked us as a form of punishment. And it was so funny that we ended up crying because we slapped each other too hard.

He is currently working in Brunei. He is kinda like the breadwinner of the family. It is because I am still pursuing my studies, my brother is working now. Sometimes , I felt like I owe him an apology for being the one that provides for my mom and family.


I was 19, and he was 17.


We were eating in Papa Pizza in 2010.


Sis, bro and I.  One year ago.



Chinese New Year 2013. This year!:)


Dear Ah Kuan,

This is for you to tell you how much I appreciate your presence in my life. A part of me is very very very thankful that you are my brother , that you are out there  working to support the family. I am also thankful that you had been so strong emotionally and always so thoughtful for you always think for family. You are more than what you think you are . I really hope that I can share your burdens soon . I also begin to appreciate you more now. I thank God for you in my life, that I may continue studying without any major struggles because you were there to solve the problems that I couldn't. Thank you, Ah Kuan. You maybe strong and big outside but I know you are a gentle soul inside. So whoever who bully you, please tell me! I wallop him/ her! HAHAHA. I just wanna tell you it's your birthday. Happy 21st birthday. Thank you for your presence this 21 years and I give u the things you want when I have my first salary okay? :) Take care brother! I miss you!!! And I will always always always there for you in the future. Like what mom used to teach us, ' Even if the whole world turn against your brother, you should not. You should love your brother instead.' 

Labels: beautiful, birthday, bless, brother, family, God, journey, life, love


Dance and sing around me.

POSTED ON: 17 March 2013 @ 1:59 AM | 0 comments

''You dance over me,
While I am unaware. 
You sing all around,
But I've never hear a sound.''

This song always always always remind me how FAITHFUL is my God. He is so mighty and so great but He dance and sing around me. Who am I that He choose to dance and sing around me? But ... He just does.

This song reminds me, how I can be so focus with my problems without realising that He is always around me , always so inviting, always so accepting, always so loving...

This song reminds me that God will never stop loving me even with the flaws and weaknesses that I have. That He is willing to just accept it the way it is, and love me the way I am. From there, He is willing to hold my hand and correct me, taking the flaws one by one and journey with me with who I really am. 

''What you think you are doesn't stop God from loving you.'

''How wide,
How deep,
How great,
is Your Love for me...''

And yes, Lord...

I am amazed by...how You love me. 

Roman 5: 7-8 ;  Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this : While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.


Labels: beautiful, faithfulness, God, love, personal, random, thought


F.A.M.I.L.Y

POSTED ON: 31 August 2012 @ 12:49 AM | 0 comments

Neither rich nor poor,
Neither too loving nor too cold,
It's just me introducing my family,
the ones that stood by there timelessly.

My family is weird. Like literally weird. We argued because of T.V programmes. Can you believe that?? My brother loves action / horror movies, my mother loves HOKKIEN dramas, my sister loves MTV and I like everything except what my mom loves. HAHA. We have two televisions at home so we can you know, sort things out. We are pretty much older now, (plus point that I am not at home) so we don't really argue. 

We love to laugh. Like crazily with hitting. Yeah, you heard me. Hitting! My brother, sister and I used to wrestled . It's because my brother is bigger than my sister and I, we used to combine OUR FORCES to go against him! *Wohooo* . HAHA. SOooo much of childhood memories, where we loved to imitate characters in dramas and cartoon. We used to build spacecraft (because of Star Trek) with blanket and pretended to move from left to right like we were in outer space.

But my family not only existed for those times that makes me happy, but also for those times where family members are the ones that could understand the struggles and pains I went through. Because we understand, we know and we feel the same way. When one is down, others will pull that only one up. 

Not easy for the one who suppose to set footsteps for younger sibling to follow. ( I used to ask, 'Why me??') I learnt from God, mom and friends to do what is right for an elder sibling , to say sorry (which was so difficult) when I hurt my younger siblings and to be humble with a open heart  to sister and brother in times of need.

I always believe my family is a gift from God to me. The greatest gift of all- that funny little family I have.


Labels: beautiful, family, God


'What if I told You?'

POSTED ON: 11 July 2012 @ 4:24 PM | 1 comments

What if I told you, Jesus came to abolish religion?


What if I told you getting you to vote republican, really wasn’t his mission?





Because republican doesn’t automatically mean Christian,
And just because you call some people blind, doesn’t automatically give you vision.

If religion is so great, why has it started so many wars?
Why does it build huge churches, but fails to feed the poor?





Tells single moms God doesn’t love them if they’ve ever been divorced,


Yet God in the Old Testament actually calls the religious people whores.


Religion might preaches Grace,
but another thing they practice.






Tend to ridicule Gods people, they did it to John the Baptist,
They cant fix their problems, so they try to mask it,
Not realizing that’s just like spraying perfume on a casket.






Because the problem with religion,
is that it never gets to the core,It’s just behavior modification, like a long list of chores.



Let’s dress up the outside, make things look nice and neat,
Its funny that’s what they do to mummies, while the corpse rots underneath,





Now I ain’t judging, I’m just saying be careful of putting on a fake look.
Because there’s a problem,

IF people only know that you’re a Christian by that little section on your Facebook.


In every other aspect of life you know that logics unworthy,

Its like saying you play for the lakers just because you bought a jersey.






But see I played this game too; no one seemed to be on to me,

I was acting like church kid, while addicted to pornography.








 I’d go to church on Sunday, but on saturday getting faded,



Acting as if I was simply created to have sex and get wasted.



Spend my whole life putting on this façade of neatness,



But now that I know Jesus, I boast in my weakness.







If grace is water, then the church should be an ocean,
Cuz its not a museum for good people, it’s a hospital for the broken.







I no longer have to hide my failures I don’t have to hide my sin,
Because my salvation doesn’t depend on me, it depends on HIM.
You see, because when I was God's enemy and certainly not a fan,
God looked down on me and said, “I want that man!”









Which is so different from religious people, and why Jesus called them fools



Don’t you see he's so much better, than just following some rules?





 Now let me clarify, I love the church, I love the bible, and I believe in sin
But my question, is if Jesus were here today, would your church let Him in?










Remember He was called a drunkard and a glutton by “religious men”



The Son of God not supported self-righteousness, not now, not then.



Now back to the point, one thing I think is vital to mention,


How Jesus and religion are on opposite spectrums,






One is the work of God one is a man made invention,
One is the cure and one is the infection.
Because Religion says do, Jesus says DONE.









Religion says slave, Jesus says SON,
Religion puts you in bondage but Jesus sets you FREE
Religion makes you blind, but Jesus lets you SEE.










This is what makes religion and Jesus two different clans,
Religion is man searching for God, but Christianity is God searching for man.







Which is why salvation is freely mine, forgiveness is my own,
Not based on my efforts, but Christ’s obedience alone.




Because he took the crown of thorns,

and blood that dripped down his face

He took what we all deserved,

that’s why we call it GRACE.






 While being murdered He yelled “Father forgive them, they know not what they do”,
Because when He was dangling on that cross, He was thinking of YOU,
He paid for all your sin, and then buried it in the tomb,
Which is why I'm kneeling at the cross now saying 'Come on, there’s room!'.



 So know I hate religion, in fact I literally resent it,
Because when Jesus cried 'It is finished',



I believe He meant it.

By Jeff Bethke









P/S: This is the Jeff Bethke's Video.





















Labels: beautiful, faith, God, love


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Few more days.

POSTED ON: 23 December 2013 @ 2:20 PM | 0 comments

8 more days to the last day of 2013. Wow! Time really really really flies.

Looked around, many changes had took place. I have a work. I am officially a teacher. I am a graduate. I started to learn to be more responsible in my life. No more doing whatever I like just because I like it. *shouting ‘I AM A GROWN-UP*. Haha.  Finally, (like FINALLLYYY!!) I understand that every decision comes with its consequence. Some friends are in oversea, some friends are heading abroad, some friends are graduating, some friends are pursuing Master degree and some friends are still studying.

Looking back and reflecting the year of 2013, I think many and many ( like really MANNNNY) things had taken place. I had my last semester in university, quitted Jazz Band, prepared my heart to leave, reluctant to leave, went to Camp Cameron, went to be a teacher in an International School, pulled my hair because of students, had an awesome convocation with family and friends, went through a phase of adapting at home after three years, found a church to be called a home-church, went back to university as a graduate and many many many smiles, tears, memories and friendships in between.

I would regard this year as the BEST YEAR so far not because many things had took place but because I know I can never face all these seasons mentioned without my only and one understanding and faithful Dad. So many changes and yet I am still standing still, I am amazed how everything fall into place at the end of the day.

I guess I am really an adult at last. *pull my hair and shout NOOOOO*

P/S: As we prepare our heart for Christmas and New Year, lets us reflect our year with thankfulness and gratefulness that we are still alive and safe. May you walk into the new year with the mind that He will always hold your hand as you face a new year of adventures.  May you grow in Word and to grasp His unfailing love for you.

Merry Christmas and Blessed NEW YEAR 2014 (*eyes open wide..like I am going to be 24 already??! haha)



Labels: adventure, beautiful, blessed, happy, journey, life, newseason, newyear


Move. On.

POSTED ON: 17 December 2013 @ 11:32 PM | 0 comments

Was not reluctant to go this time. Maybe when it is time, it is time. I am glad I met up with people that I love. But was even happier to see how they moved on with their lives. Life is meant to move forward. We can always stop to take a pause, to reflect and to rest. But, never to choose to stuck at the same phase. You may lose so many opportunities to do so much more. 






Labels: beautiful, blessed, friendships, life, seeyouagain


Same!

POSTED ON: 16 October 2013 @ 9:32 AM | 0 comments

Different chapter but SAME, CONSTANT GOD!





Labels: adventure, beautiful, blessed, faith, God, happy, thought


EVERYTHING I ever needed.

POSTED ON: 15 September 2013 @ 9:53 PM | 0 comments

I've had many tears and sorrows,
I've had questions for tomorrow,
there's been times I didn't know right from wrong.
But in every situation,
God gave me blessed consulation,
that my trials come to only make me strong.

I've been to lots of places,
I've seen a lot of faces,
there's been times I felt so all alone.
But in my lonely hours,
yes, those precious lonely hours,
Jesus lets me know that I was His own

I thank God for the mountains,
and I thank Him for the valleys,
I thank Him for the storms He brought me through.
For if I'd never had a problem,
I wouldn't know God could solve them,
I'd never know what faith in God could do

Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.

Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word.

Who am I that He wants to stay beside me when I cry? Who am I that He is willing to hear the complains that I made? Who am I that He decided to love? Who am I that He willing to wash my ugliness with His Beauty and Blood? Who am I that He cares ? Who am I ?

And yet, He chose to clothe me with everything that I needed ; EVERYTHING I ever needed.








Labels: beautiful, bless, blessed, Daddy, God


Giver.

POSTED ON: 11 September 2013 @ 11:27 PM | 0 comments

As I was praying with the sisters in church, I was really convicted by this word, 'Giver'. I think I am blinded by the money that I am earning. I think that the salary I am earning , it is not enough. Therefore, I am giving tuition to students from my school. I was given two students. And I wanted more. I think 'money' eventually blinded me in the process of having more. And  with the assumed sum of money that I am going to earn, I started to plan what I want to achieve in this one year. I can tell you the plans that I have, it is so self-oriented. For example, going to New Zealand for work and travel.

I did not ask God about this. I just decided that I wanna save up for it. Because I just want to do it. And now I have two students that I am going to give tuition to and it gonna take up Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. And I am already foresee weariness. Somehow promise is a promise. 

 I ask myself sometimes, 'Why are you doing this, Fong Wan?Why?' I can tell you honestly that I am doing all of these not for family, not for people around me... but for me. Then today, I realised I became selfish! So selfish and so self-oriented , I forgot and lost my identity as a daughter of Christ that gives. And I couldn't recognise the giver I used to be.

But today I am reminded again the ultimate reason I came back to this place is to give, to minister to my mother, brother, sister and people around me. And also to see God and witness His goodness in times of difficulties. In camp, I drew God was walking with me along the hills, up and down. Now I understand why I drew that. Because life is not easy but God promised He would walk with me.

I don't want to give out of convenience but I wanna be a greater giver that give in times of inconvenience because that would mean so much more, with Him and for Him.

Because my Jesus gave and still giving, I am giving too! 



Labels: beautiful, family, God, home, personal


Thank you. :)

POSTED ON: 27 June 2013 @ 11:06 PM | 0 comments

''Packing is a little bit different this time; I am packing memories as well.''

I know this day will arrive. This day where this university life will come to an end. I still remember my mother sent me to this island and I cried when she went back alone and was grateful she made a trip here. I cried to her telling her that I have no friend. I cried because I was alone. How time flies.

Today, I know if I cry...I cry of joy because my God supplies all the needs that He knows I need in this university---- He gave me everything that made this university chapter such a worthwhile chapter. How I have grown towards Him, how I have grown to love people around me...this things I will never never never see myself as, three years ago. Marvellous things He did and transformed in me. 

I know the road ahead could be a little bit stormy and windy. I know with all the doubts and uncertainties I may fall but I choose to live with Him and for Him. I believe that everything that I've learnt here , it will be enough for me to move forward for the next chapter. A friend of mine wrote this to me, 'I will let you go because I know God has in-stored so much more for you, for your journey ahead.'

There you go, I am leaving this place with the heart of gratefulness and joy because of my God who is ever faithful and my friends that never stop encouraging and draw me close to our God each day. :) I know that even in times of trouble in the future, I will look back, looking at this chapter and reminisce the works and love my Father had done and shown through the people around me and will preserve and finish strong with my eyes set upon Him and continue establishing His kingdom with actions of love.

With this, see you again people! It's never goodbye! Thank you so much for even in every little things you have done.


Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.

(Psalm 36:5)

Labels: adventure, beautiful, blessed. graduation, friendship, God, kawan sejati, university


W.R.I.T.E

POSTED ON: 12 June 2013 @ 3:56 PM | 0 comments

The weather was too good. So I wanted to write in my journal. I was writing and writing and I realised how beautiful is writing especially to your love ones. For me, I write to God in my journal with black ink pen ( because I like cursive handwritings) and I read it again when I am bored or discouraged by circumstances around me. And because it was written to God, it was real and nothing was hideous.

So I was thinking about the whole concept of writing to God. Then I remembered the Bible, the only existing evidence of written Word from God. Then, I remembered watching ' The Day after Tomorrow', where this man tried to save Bible because he said 'This is the oldest book in the world and I want to save it.' I am not sure if he died at the end of the movie or what was his intention of saving the Bible but imagine when the whole world collapses, would you rather risk your life to save the Word of God or you would just save your life so that you can live?

It amazes me how the Word of God still real and relevant to these days. It is God-breathed and it speaks to us. I mean it was written thousand of years before and it is still relevant till today. WOW! Marvellous isn't it? I guess sins never change (Maybe the form of sin changes due to the access of technology and materials we have now). But what happened in the past is still pretty much relevant today. God knows and that is why He provides us Bible to speak to us and guide us .And for those unsung heroes and the authors of the Books that write, copy and preserve the Bible ,I am just amazed by their dedication to serve and write. 

Writing is a gift. And gifts are supposed to be used for God; for goodness and His glory. If you can write, write to God ; tell Him how is your days, praise Him..etc. If you can write, write to encourage one another. If you can write, write to influence people around you or people who read your writings. Who knows what they can take away from your writings?? Use your gift well. :)

“The Spirit and the Word must be combined. If I look to the Spirit alone without the Word, I lay myself open to great delusions also. If the Holy Ghost guides us at all, He will do it according to the Scriptures and never contrary to them.” George Mueller

'You can make anything by writing.' CS Lewis

Labels: beautiful, God, hope, random, thought, Word of God, writing


Hands.

POSTED ON: 02 June 2013 @ 10:10 PM | 0 comments

I went to Prayer at P.E.N.H.O.P (Penang House of Prayer) last Friday. It had been one year since I went there. The last time I went was during my first year? Haha. I couldn't really remember.

We were worshiping God and was singing . Then I was looking at the palm of my hands. And maybe because of the light, my hands were clear and smooth. I am not saying that my hands are beautiful. It just that, that very pair hands are not that beautiful. It was dirty. It stole, touched, slapped , punch and it sinned. It went on to do the things I hated most about myself. 


But at the same time, I was just amazed that the very same hands, God wants to hold it. He wants to hold it and bring the person with that hands to greater height. At that time, I was thinking, 'God must have loved so much that He wants to hold these dirty hands. And perhaps when He was looking at it , He saw how dirty were those hands but willing to wipe the dirt away. He didn't cut the hands away but He wanted to clean it.' I am still imperfect to this days and I will continue to do things that maybe unpleasant to Him but I know my Father will not stop loving me because of these imperfections. And because of this Love, I will choose to do what is pleasing to Him, to do what is right for Him, to love who He loves and to forgive because He forgives. 


God cares about you and choose not to care how dirty your hands are because He loves you instead. His love and grace is so perfect that it overcome your imperfections.The question is, 'Are you willing to let the dirt on your palm of your hands to be cleaned by Him?'




Titus 3:3-7: For we ourselves were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another. But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior, that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

Labels: beautiful, faithfulness, God, hope, life, love, prayer


University.

POSTED ON: @ 9:31 PM | 0 comments

One more month left before the closing for this very chapter that I would remembered for the rest of my life. In this chapter, I realised and know God more personal than ever and being equipped so many lessons and values that I couldn't even expressed. For His unfailing love, that enabled me to be changed and transformed. Looking back, I was this girl who need to be taken out from her broken place, to be healed and to be drawn closer to Him. Looking at it now, I am really delighted that I decided to follow Him. I am on the way to be the person He wants to be. To be mold and shaped. :)

In this chapter itself, I met beautiful people who loves me despite anything , who wants to carry me forward in their life. So much for this three years. I could't even imagine my life without this people that coloured my life. I am really thankful for you, yes you  ( I know who reads my blog) who are reading this for you have been in my life, to even show me loves and advice through your actions and words. 

Brothers and sisters, though our path crossed may stopped here but I will earnestly look forward for the day we will be celebrating in heaven. But at the mean time, live your life for Him. :)

Labels: beautiful, blessed. graduation, faith, faithfulness, God, love, university


Cheerios.

POSTED ON: 17 May 2013 @ 3:45 AM | 0 comments

This post is for this girl, PHANG CARMEN. Why? Because I always wanted to write about her. Yeah, and because today I was reflective about my university journey and this girl is a must-for-me to write because I really sayang her.



I remembered seeing her in NC. That time everyone said to me ,' You should know Carmen lah'. I am like ,' Who is this girl?. Last week as I was talking to her , she said that I am her one of good friends. I am like so honoured. This girl is President for our university CF. Why would she consider me as her good friend? HAHA.




Turned out, the feeling is mutual. Turned out, she is one of the best things that happened to me in university. I always that God placed her in my life to equip me with His love and His wisdom. This girl always look at things so differently that I can learn from her. This girl always so fired up for God. This girl always always lend her helping hands when I have no one to turn to. She always says to me , 'Fong Wan, you know you always come to me when you don't have enough money.' :') God knows what I need in life, it is not about money. It is about reassurance He will provide.

Today I just want to tell her this:

Dear Phang Carmen,

I am really thankful for you. Yes, you! I know you might hear this many times, but I really think I sayang you. Thank you for everything you have done. Always so welcoming. Always so accepting. Like a family , I can rely when I have no one to turn to. I am really grateful for your presence in my life. Thank you for showing me Christ's love towards people. Thank you for living God's way. Thank you for just being there for me caring for me as I go somewhere. Thank you for teaching me lessons . Thank you for regarding me as your good friends. I may not be that good but in your eyes, you always see the best in me. So many things great things about you, but thank you so so much for choosing to LOVE me despite everything. :') WE will definitely cheer one another up to keep our eyes on Him and run the race with endurance, okay? Let finish the race and demonstrate of His love to family and the ones we care okay? Let's be friend forever until we go heaven okay? And we shall dance with joy with Him in His kingdom. :')


1st Year
First meet in National Conference (N.C)




2nd Year



3rd Year 









MUAHHHHHHHH!!!! *Love love love*

Labels: adventure, beautiful, blessed. graduation, faithfulness, friendship, God, journey, kawan sejati, life, love, person, university


King of Love.

POSTED ON: 31 March 2013 @ 4:34 PM | 0 comments

Received salvation the day after Blessed Easter 8 years. Reason? Because at that time, I have no hope, nothing to hold on, no one to turn to. And then I went to this play on Easter Day and I saw this man who was beaten, bleed and risen from grave. I am like , ' Who is this man? He is blameless and why He did this?'

This is the Jesus Christ, the God of the religion that my family asked me not to convert myself. In my thought, I was thinking, 'Isn't this man good. Why mommy and daddy asked me not to believe in Him?'. I did not ask much on why, what, should I this or that ... I know the next day after the play, I prayed a simple prayer. I said to Him, ' You have given me hope that I've been hoping for. You took away things I've been struggling.I don't know what I should do but I know that You are real like I can sense you and I want to know you.'


In a blink of an eye, it's EIGHT years now and I must say, this God of mine.. He is so faithful to me that sometimes I cannot take it. I meant, if I have to face with me.. I would just give up on me. But He did not give up.

That's the truth of Christianity, that Jesus Christ was resurrected on the cross because God never gave up on us. He sent His son to redeem us from sin, to give us the gift of Grace, to conquer wages of sin which is Death and give us everlasting Life that was already paid on the cross.

Today, I stand before the Worship in church.. singing 'Hallelujah, My God is a RISEN King.' . In my heart, I am really joyful that IT IS FINISHED. He is RISEN! It is done , my dear friend. No more. No more this and that. DONE!
Because Jesus DIED and He ROSE again!

The ultimate truth is that , It is all about Jesus Christ's resurrection. It is the part that gives you hope and reason to live.

Let me tell u a secret ..

If Jesus can die for you, what makes you think that He will give up on you? Why He came down to Earth and give up His life for you..shed His blood for you..? For what? 

Because.. He loves you . He never want to give up on You. He LOVES YOU, my dear friend. 

'At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was she'd for me
There's no greater love than this 
You have overcome the grave 
Your glory fills the highest place 
What can separate me now '

Roman 5:9-11

9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through Him! 10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.





Labels: beautiful, faith, faithfulness, God, love, personal


Happy Birthday , Ah Kuan!!

POSTED ON: 27 March 2013 @ 1:38 AM | 0 comments

I have a lot of brothers ( close guy friends ) throughout Form 6 till today, in university. But I have only ONE blood-tied brother . 

His name is Daryl Tham King Kuan!! 



And HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AH KUAN!!


As cute as me , you see! HAHAHA

This brother of mine is younger than me two years old. But whenever he goes out with me, people will assumed that he is three years older than me due to his size and height. HAHAHA.

My brother cooks better that I do. And he loves to ask my sister and I to try on the food that he cooked. My brother is such a funny person that I cannot resist laughing at his weird lame jokes. (I think my whole family jokes) .

When we were young, we slapped one another's faces because our dad asked us as a form of punishment. And it was so funny that we ended up crying because we slapped each other too hard.

He is currently working in Brunei. He is kinda like the breadwinner of the family. It is because I am still pursuing my studies, my brother is working now. Sometimes , I felt like I owe him an apology for being the one that provides for my mom and family.


I was 19, and he was 17.


We were eating in Papa Pizza in 2010.


Sis, bro and I.  One year ago.



Chinese New Year 2013. This year!:)


Dear Ah Kuan,

This is for you to tell you how much I appreciate your presence in my life. A part of me is very very very thankful that you are my brother , that you are out there  working to support the family. I am also thankful that you had been so strong emotionally and always so thoughtful for you always think for family. You are more than what you think you are . I really hope that I can share your burdens soon . I also begin to appreciate you more now. I thank God for you in my life, that I may continue studying without any major struggles because you were there to solve the problems that I couldn't. Thank you, Ah Kuan. You maybe strong and big outside but I know you are a gentle soul inside. So whoever who bully you, please tell me! I wallop him/ her! HAHAHA. I just wanna tell you it's your birthday. Happy 21st birthday. Thank you for your presence this 21 years and I give u the things you want when I have my first salary okay? :) Take care brother! I miss you!!! And I will always always always there for you in the future. Like what mom used to teach us, ' Even if the whole world turn against your brother, you should not. You should love your brother instead.' 

Labels: beautiful, birthday, bless, brother, family, God, journey, life, love


Dance and sing around me.

POSTED ON: 17 March 2013 @ 1:59 AM | 0 comments

''You dance over me,
While I am unaware. 
You sing all around,
But I've never hear a sound.''

This song always always always remind me how FAITHFUL is my God. He is so mighty and so great but He dance and sing around me. Who am I that He choose to dance and sing around me? But ... He just does.

This song reminds me, how I can be so focus with my problems without realising that He is always around me , always so inviting, always so accepting, always so loving...

This song reminds me that God will never stop loving me even with the flaws and weaknesses that I have. That He is willing to just accept it the way it is, and love me the way I am. From there, He is willing to hold my hand and correct me, taking the flaws one by one and journey with me with who I really am. 

''What you think you are doesn't stop God from loving you.'

''How wide,
How deep,
How great,
is Your Love for me...''

And yes, Lord...

I am amazed by...how You love me. 

Roman 5: 7-8 ;  Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this : While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.


Labels: beautiful, faithfulness, God, love, personal, random, thought


F.A.M.I.L.Y

POSTED ON: 31 August 2012 @ 12:49 AM | 0 comments

Neither rich nor poor,
Neither too loving nor too cold,
It's just me introducing my family,
the ones that stood by there timelessly.

My family is weird. Like literally weird. We argued because of T.V programmes. Can you believe that?? My brother loves action / horror movies, my mother loves HOKKIEN dramas, my sister loves MTV and I like everything except what my mom loves. HAHA. We have two televisions at home so we can you know, sort things out. We are pretty much older now, (plus point that I am not at home) so we don't really argue. 

We love to laugh. Like crazily with hitting. Yeah, you heard me. Hitting! My brother, sister and I used to wrestled . It's because my brother is bigger than my sister and I, we used to combine OUR FORCES to go against him! *Wohooo* . HAHA. SOooo much of childhood memories, where we loved to imitate characters in dramas and cartoon. We used to build spacecraft (because of Star Trek) with blanket and pretended to move from left to right like we were in outer space.

But my family not only existed for those times that makes me happy, but also for those times where family members are the ones that could understand the struggles and pains I went through. Because we understand, we know and we feel the same way. When one is down, others will pull that only one up. 

Not easy for the one who suppose to set footsteps for younger sibling to follow. ( I used to ask, 'Why me??') I learnt from God, mom and friends to do what is right for an elder sibling , to say sorry (which was so difficult) when I hurt my younger siblings and to be humble with a open heart  to sister and brother in times of need.

I always believe my family is a gift from God to me. The greatest gift of all- that funny little family I have.


Labels: beautiful, family, God


'What if I told You?'

POSTED ON: 11 July 2012 @ 4:24 PM | 1 comments

What if I told you, Jesus came to abolish religion?


What if I told you getting you to vote republican, really wasn’t his mission?





Because republican doesn’t automatically mean Christian,
And just because you call some people blind, doesn’t automatically give you vision.

If religion is so great, why has it started so many wars?
Why does it build huge churches, but fails to feed the poor?





Tells single moms God doesn’t love them if they’ve ever been divorced,


Yet God in the Old Testament actually calls the religious people whores.


Religion might preaches Grace,
but another thing they practice.






Tend to ridicule Gods people, they did it to John the Baptist,
They cant fix their problems, so they try to mask it,
Not realizing that’s just like spraying perfume on a casket.






Because the problem with religion,
is that it never gets to the core,It’s just behavior modification, like a long list of chores.



Let’s dress up the outside, make things look nice and neat,
Its funny that’s what they do to mummies, while the corpse rots underneath,





Now I ain’t judging, I’m just saying be careful of putting on a fake look.
Because there’s a problem,

IF people only know that you’re a Christian by that little section on your Facebook.


In every other aspect of life you know that logics unworthy,

Its like saying you play for the lakers just because you bought a jersey.






But see I played this game too; no one seemed to be on to me,

I was acting like church kid, while addicted to pornography.








 I’d go to church on Sunday, but on saturday getting faded,



Acting as if I was simply created to have sex and get wasted.



Spend my whole life putting on this façade of neatness,



But now that I know Jesus, I boast in my weakness.







If grace is water, then the church should be an ocean,
Cuz its not a museum for good people, it’s a hospital for the broken.







I no longer have to hide my failures I don’t have to hide my sin,
Because my salvation doesn’t depend on me, it depends on HIM.
You see, because when I was God's enemy and certainly not a fan,
God looked down on me and said, “I want that man!”









Which is so different from religious people, and why Jesus called them fools



Don’t you see he's so much better, than just following some rules?





 Now let me clarify, I love the church, I love the bible, and I believe in sin
But my question, is if Jesus were here today, would your church let Him in?










Remember He was called a drunkard and a glutton by “religious men”



The Son of God not supported self-righteousness, not now, not then.



Now back to the point, one thing I think is vital to mention,


How Jesus and religion are on opposite spectrums,






One is the work of God one is a man made invention,
One is the cure and one is the infection.
Because Religion says do, Jesus says DONE.









Religion says slave, Jesus says SON,
Religion puts you in bondage but Jesus sets you FREE
Religion makes you blind, but Jesus lets you SEE.










This is what makes religion and Jesus two different clans,
Religion is man searching for God, but Christianity is God searching for man.







Which is why salvation is freely mine, forgiveness is my own,
Not based on my efforts, but Christ’s obedience alone.




Because he took the crown of thorns,

and blood that dripped down his face

He took what we all deserved,

that’s why we call it GRACE.






 While being murdered He yelled “Father forgive them, they know not what they do”,
Because when He was dangling on that cross, He was thinking of YOU,
He paid for all your sin, and then buried it in the tomb,
Which is why I'm kneeling at the cross now saying 'Come on, there’s room!'.



 So know I hate religion, in fact I literally resent it,
Because when Jesus cried 'It is finished',



I believe He meant it.

By Jeff Bethke









P/S: This is the Jeff Bethke's Video.





















Labels: beautiful, faith, God, love


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