The Cute is BACK! HAHAHAHAHA!
POSTED ON: 12 August 2014 @ 12:09 AM | 0 comments
Hiii! (flowers for YOU!!!!) It had beeeennnn like soooo long since I penned down my thoughts and my life in this blog. "Welcome back" to me! Lappie spoilt for second time too. Hence, the delay! :) There were many changes in life ---- not really dramatic though. HAHAHA!
1. I am officially a car driver.
Yeah, you heard me. I have a car! *Praise the Lord*. But I am really in an initial stage of driving that my student who I was fetching was frightened when I fetched him back home. However, I have to say... prayers are really needed for someone like me. So, it is a good platform to really place my trust in Lord and a patience-learning platform.
2. I quit my job.
I know. I know! Surprisingly, I did! Now I am on my way to be a relief teacher in government public school. To support myself in this unemployed season, I have some freelance tuition with a couple of students. So yeah, I can't spend much but I just need to spend wisely.
3. I want to be involved in church.
Enough of excuses of not doing this or doing that. I think it is not matter of time (because I thought of not staying put in Melaka for long), it is matter of willingness. I also believe in this season of 'not-wanting-to-involve-in-anything', I learnt human can come up with any excuses for things they not want to do. And when we do that, we are really making decisions ourselves without putting Lord into our decisions. I do believe that involvement of church is important in a Christian's life. Not so much of displaying you are a Christian, but as an act of obedience to the Lord and a testimony for other Christians to follow.
4. I AM GOING TO BE BAPTISED!
I saved the best for the last. So, there you go! I will be baptised and I am very excited. Nine years and at last! I was asked the meaning of baptism by a brother in church. I told him it was 'Dying of old self , burial of sin and rising as a new self with Christ ; Not as slave of sin but slave of righteousness'. Yeah, it is correct. But when he told me it is also UNION / ONENESS with God, I thought for a while. I mean I really thought for a while. I was thinking 'Why would God want to be ONE with a sinner like me?'. I know it is because of love. But it is just that I cannot comprehend the MASSIVENESS of his love for me.Like WOW!I am thankful I am loved. :')
THAT'S ALL for now! I am reading ' In The Grip of Grace' by Max Lucado (which took me months! Come on Fong Wan!!) and I wanna share this:
"You are saved, not because what you do but because of what Christ did. And you are special, not because of what you do , but because of whose you are . And you are HIS. And because we are His, let's forget the shortcuts and stay on the main road. He knows the way. He drew the map. He knows the way home."
Labels: adventure, blessed, firm, Jesus, personal, update
Planned-out Plans!
POSTED ON: 04 April 2014 @ 11:30 AM | 0 comments
Been planning out life, but nothing goes according to what I planned. I guess I am frustrated and disappointed. Not once but a few. But but but, I learnt lessons through this season.1) I always want to be god of my life.
I love planning and want things my ways. Rather than just submitting it to God, I choose to plan my life and how I should live, forgetting this life is supposed to be a worship unto the Lord. Well, I am kinda like making my life a worship for myself. So much of self-fulfillment , isn't it? Totally forgotten, that I was already dead but made alive in Christ, supposingly my new life is a platform/tool/ agent/ ambassador ( u name it) of Christ.
2. Don't always ask God for a YES as answer rather asking God for His will.
One thing about the selfish me is that I always want God to answer my prayers. Like 'I wanna do this', 'Give me this', 'Grant me this' and 'Help me with this' rather than, 'O'Lord, answer my prayer according to Your will, that no matter answers You give, I will accept it knowing You are a sovereign God.' I also realised I always prepare myself for the good result but not the bad result. So I have learnt I need to always prepare for a NO answer knowing that my God is GOOD.
3. My God really really really sees things in bigger picture. (like way bigger and awesomer)
I see my future with my eyes and want it the way I think it is good. But I believe that God have better and way awesome plans for me if only I am willing to submit in His ways. Like seriously. I just have to trust that He is going to use me greatly, no matter how blurry is the road in front of me. I just gotta trust in my Dad. 'Give me life in Thy ways' ... I learned that in camp and I am so going to practice it. :)
Last but not least, I was watching this movie 'The Tree of Life' and there was this quote in the movie which left quite an impact on me.
The nuns taught us there are two ways through life … the way of Nature… and the way of Grace. You have to choose which one you'll follow. Grace doesn't try to please itself. Accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. Accepts insults and injuries. Nature only wants to please itself. Get others to please it too. Likes to lord it over them. To have its own way. It finds reasons to be unhappy... when all the world is shining around it... when love is smiling through all things.
(2 Corinthians 5 :14-15) For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again.
Labels: adventure, blessed, Jesus, journey, life, personal
Letter from Myself.
POSTED ON: 13 January 2014 @ 8:26 PM | 0 comments
Received a letter from myself that I wrote months ago.And I read this sentence,
"Your life is not about leaving your legacy but leaving HIS legacy so that people will come to know that He is the only way, truth and life."
Thank you for the reminder, O'Lord.
Labels: adventure, blessed, Jesus, journey
Few more days.
POSTED ON: 23 December 2013 @ 2:20 PM | 0 comments
8 more days
to the last day of 2013. Wow! Time really really really flies.
Looked around, many changes had took place. I
have a work. I am officially a teacher. I am a graduate. I started to learn to
be more responsible in my life. No more doing whatever I like just because I
like it. *shouting ‘I AM A GROWN-UP*. Haha. Finally, (like FINALLLYYY!!) I understand that every decision comes
with its consequence. Some friends are in oversea, some friends are heading abroad,
some friends are graduating, some friends are pursuing Master degree and some
friends are still studying.
Looking
back and reflecting the year of 2013, I think many and many ( like really MANNNNY) things had taken place.
I had my last semester in university, quitted Jazz Band, prepared my heart to
leave, reluctant to leave, went to Camp Cameron, went to be a teacher in an
International School, pulled my hair because of students, had an awesome convocation with family and friends, went
through a phase of adapting at home after three years, found a church to be
called a home-church, went back to university as a graduate and many many many
smiles, tears, memories and friendships in between.
I would
regard this year as the BEST YEAR so far not because many things had took place
but because I know I can never face all these seasons mentioned without my only
and one understanding and faithful Dad. So many changes and yet I am still
standing still, I am amazed how everything fall into place at the end of the
day.
I guess I
am really an adult at last. *pull my hair and shout NOOOOO*
P/S: As we
prepare our heart for Christmas and New Year, lets us reflect our year with
thankfulness and gratefulness that we are still alive and safe. May you walk
into the new year with the mind that He will always hold your hand as you face
a new year of adventures. May you grow
in Word and to grasp His unfailing love for you.
Merry
Christmas and Blessed NEW YEAR 2014 (*eyes open wide..like I am going to be 24 already??! haha)
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Labels: adventure, beautiful, blessed, happy, journey, life, newseason, newyear
Move. On.
POSTED ON: 17 December 2013 @ 11:32 PM | 0 comments
Was not reluctant to go this time. Maybe when it is time, it is time. I am glad I met up with people that I love. But was even happier to see how they moved on with their lives. Life is meant to move forward. We can always stop to take a pause, to reflect and to rest. But, never to choose to stuck at the same phase. You may lose so many opportunities to do so much more.
Labels: beautiful, blessed, friendships, life, seeyouagain
Same!
POSTED ON: 16 October 2013 @ 9:32 AM | 0 comments
Different chapter but SAME, CONSTANT GOD!
Labels: adventure, beautiful, blessed, faith, God, happy, thought
Work.
POSTED ON: 09 October 2013 @ 8:29 PM | 1 comments
''Work''
Sometimes, I stopped and think..'Is this what you want to do for the rest of your life...work?' ; 'Do you find pleasure in working?'I can answer a definite 'NO!' for the first question and clueless about the second answer! Sometimes I struggled with 'Is this what you really want to do?'I don't know how people can make it. How older workers work the whole time in their life and manage their time. I am so much younger and sometimes I am just so exhausted.
I think I just want to find meanings in the things I do in my life. I know the source of the meaning is God. And I know the road of being a teacher itself is not easy. So much to learn to be a dedicated teacher .
'One step at a time.'
Also, it had been a little hard to keep in touch with friends but please note that you all are always in my hearts. You don't know how many times I read those letters/notes you gave. You don't know how many times I scrolled Facebook pictures to see us.
But, I just gotta move on. Told myself I needed six month..so it's till March to be in some 'dreamy' moods. I also find that life is not stagnant. Meeting new people and moving to another place are always parts of life that constantly reminds us to live to the fullest in our present and do our best for the Lord and the people around us in that point of our lives.
And no matter, I still got Jesus with me. :)
Labels: blessed, God, personal, thoughts
EVERYTHING I ever needed.
POSTED ON: 15 September 2013 @ 9:53 PM | 0 comments
I've had many tears and sorrows,
I've had questions for tomorrow,
there's been times I didn't know right from wrong.
But in every situation,
God gave me blessed consulation,
that my trials come to only make me strong.
I've been to lots of places,
I've seen a lot of faces,
there's been times I felt so all alone.
But in my lonely hours,
yes, those precious lonely hours,
Jesus lets me know that I was His own
I thank God for the mountains,
and I thank Him for the valleys,
I thank Him for the storms He brought me through.
For if I'd never had a problem,
I wouldn't know God could solve them,
I'd never know what faith in God could do
Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.
Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word.
Who am I that He wants to stay beside me when I cry? Who am I that He is willing to hear the complains that I made? Who am I that He decided to love? Who am I that He willing to wash my ugliness with His Beauty and Blood? Who am I that He cares ? Who am I ?
And yet, He chose to clothe me with everything that I needed ; EVERYTHING I ever needed.
Labels: beautiful, bless, blessed, Daddy, God
Happy birthday MALAYSIA!
POSTED ON: 31 August 2013 @ 12:17 AM | 0 comments
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MALAYSIA!!!
Doesn't matter 31st August or 16th September, today is the day that we remember we have this NATION. May I learn to care and weep for you as I grow older. May I learn to love you and continue to fight for you and your people. May I not turn away but care when I see injustices. May I continue to love you deeply like how God loves you too,Malaysia. May I never stop praying for you and never to lose hope despite hopelessness. You are loved, Malaysia! MUAH!
Labels: blessed, Father's love, justice. election, Malaysia
Because of Ah Phang!
POSTED ON: 04 August 2013 @ 5:36 PM | 0 comments
It is Sunday again. But today, PKA's new batch Excos are here to do Committee Retreat Planning (CPR). It always really really nice to see these faces of darlings in the church. But even with that short meet-up, I am already so delighted but also with a little bit swollen heart inside of me.
Then, I also received this gift from a friend of mine in Penang. I cried. Why? Because when I read the card, I am feeling exactly what she is feeling. I miss her . I miss people whom I 'sayang' in USM. I think when I came back to this home of mine, I came back with 'compare mindset' Even with family, I was thinking, 'My friends in Penang would do this, why can't them?'
I cannot deny it will take a little bit more time to let go of the previous chapter that God had blessed me with. I am gonna miss the people that I used to be with so much.So so much. Sometimes my tears fell itself when I thought of it, without realising. But I am not going to allow all of these to hinder His works in my life in Melaka. I am gonna embrace these emotions but will work together hand-in-hand with grace with my Father.
It will take time but My Father is here with me. :')
Dear Ah Phang, I miss you. :') You know I actually cried when I read that. Thank you for your continuous encouragement and love even though we are far apart. Never knew why I deserve a friend like you till now. I will always bring Donkey wherever I go to remember God's goodness in my life because He gave me friend like you. I may not see you that often anymore which actually secretly sadden me, but I will try my best okay? I really cant wait to see you again in September. Arr, I am tearing again. But you know how much you meant to me. Even though we are far apart , but you are always CLOSE to my heart. Distance is not a problem when we have the heart , love and effort. :) Me sayang YOU a lot. :')
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| Helllow Donkey P!! |
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| Thank you Ah Phang! |
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| These are my reactions when I got the Donkey! This is for YOU, AH PHANG!
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And once again, I am thankful for all the things You have done, my Lord.
Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come
I will never understand how wide, deep and great is Your love for me. But I am thankful for everything EVERYTHING You have done for me in the past, the blessings You poured unto me, My Lord.. Because of what You did, I am able to stand before you and have a personal relationship with you. Thank you for taking in all unpleasing character of mine and wanting to mold me even though I am unworthy. Thank you for loving me, for a wretch like me. Thank you for dying for me. :')
Labels: bestfriend, blessed, friendship, God, journey, love, personal, sister
I am Home.
POSTED ON: 28 July 2013 @ 7:39 PM | 1 comments
It had been a week since I came back from Cameron Camp. When people asked me whether I have this post-cameron-camp-syndrome, I told them, 'Yeahhh..but I am also having more of this post-graduation-from-USM-syndrome'. Honestly, I miss everything about PENANG, USM and everyone who is going to be there in September. Sometimes , I wish September would come a little bit faster so that I can see familiar faces again. Because of that, I did not feel that I am home.I know the ministry at home is not going to be easy. But I love what Mother Teresa said that 'We can do no great things only small things with great love.' It reminded me on how little things that were done out of love that really matter to God than doing big great things out of own desires. Maybe just washing plates, sweeping floor, listening to sister, listening to brother, accompanying my mother to watch television...just being there to help as much as I can... in little things,out of love that matters.
It was hard at first when I came back especially the first few days in Melaka. I wanted to run, to go to somewhere where I can do what I want, to have the freedom to be who I want to be..but I know deep inside of me, I was being very selfish just by thinking of that. How can I leave my family behind and not be there for them after what I've learnt of Him in the past three years? How can I know God by myself and not share Him and demonstrate Him with my loves one?
My family needs love, not the normal love...but my Father's perfect love. And I know...I know now God is here with me..in this family of mine. Yes, right now, this house! God loves this family too. And I know it is not going to be easy. But I am not giving up. I am not giving up serving this family because I know God is not giving up as well.
So finally after some days of re-adapting here, I just want to say..'I am home.' And I am glad I am home.I know this journey can be a little bit shaky ahead, but I will stand firm with Christ as the foundation. Because God so loved my mother, brother and sister too that He ALSO gave up His only begotten son to die for them. With that, I will try my best but also reminded to let God to do the rest. So yeah... I am home, people!
1st Corinthians 15:58 : Therefore my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labour in the Lord is not in vain.
1st Corinthians 16: 13-14: Be on your guard, stand firm in faith, be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.
Labels: blessed, family, Father's love, firm, God, home, thoughts
Give me Life in Thy Ways.
POSTED ON: 23 July 2013 @ 3:09 PM | 1 comments
I am back from Cameron Camp 2013. Couldn't believe that I endured three weeks of cold weather. It was really really really a good experience to deal with obstacles in life. I came in to Cameron Camp , wanted to be equipped with God's Word. But well, I guess Daddy got another plan for me. He wanted to me to be ME!Weird huh? I guess when I accepted Jesus Christ as my saviour..I forgot that He wanted to love me for who I am. Never did I know that all He want is to ACCEPT ME for who I really am. All I look forward is to please Him with the best that I can and neglecting my weaknesses and do not embrace the fact that I am FONG WAN, the one who also know life hurts.
Because of the obstacles of life which made me stronger but it also resulted me to ignore things that allow me to appear 'weak' to others. Because of that, I never wanted to share during my first week in camp. But I learnt to share to the Lord whom love me for who I am even though it was really difficult. Because I know deep inside of me, it was worth it.
After attending camp, indeed one of the crucial answers were answered. I remembered asking God, 'I am willing to give up everything for you, even to go to the end of earth for you...why are you not sending me?' But now I know it is because I never know how to be a daughter to serve Him, but rather a servant that want to serve Him with all my strengths forgetting to embrace my weaknesses too.
And that was the most important thing I have learnt in Cameron Camp. I know in me, I am not strong enough to endure this life with so many obstacles that going to tear me down, but I am going to stand firm in my Daddy who is going to cry, walk , smile, sit and comfort me whenever I know I cannot do it.
Funny how God always have another way to awaken you from your mistakes. But well, He is after-all the Creator and knew me while I was in mommy's womb...Thank you, Dad! Thank you for wanting to love me and showing me grace despite knowing I will fail you. :'))))))
Labels: blessed, cameron, camp, Daddy, God, personal
Lappie is back!
POSTED ON: 07 June 2013 @ 5:19 PM | 0 comments
My personal all-for-good friend named Lappie crashed. And I was really sad. Because everything that I adore were in it; my thousand pictures, songs, videos, and software. I am like helpless when I know Lappie decided not to serve me anymore.
So, I sent it to Miss Woon and Mr Wong for a quick fix and it turned out that I would have to delete (YEAH DELETE) everything that was inside it. EVERYTHING. I was like 'NOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!!'. And I had to erase everything that I used to own would be gone. So much of disappointments, I said to Mr Wong , 'You can just wipe out everything in order to resurrect Lappie.'
Just yesterday, Lappie was back. It is like a new computer, with latest 2010 Miscrosoft ( I have 2007, previously) and better antivirus, thanks to Mr Wong. I was rather sad that there were no old 'Lappie' to be found. And what saddens me the most was that all my pictures that I didn't upload on the Facebook were gone. Gone!!
But lesson learnt. I need to back up my data on my hard-disk. There is always lesson learnt in everything that happened in our life. It is just that sometimes we are too problem-oriented, and didn't see the bright side of things. I learn that even though my photos are gone, but there were some in Facebook and the most importantly, I can still create more memories with the people that I love. Pictures are memories, but living it would be more worthwhile, real and fun! People that I love are not going anywhere. Continuous shower of love and encouragements would be ongoing too. :)
Of course, I miss old Lappie too. But I choose to erase everything that was in it, so that it can be resurrected. I choose to remove all the 'viruses and worms' that couldn't make it alive. So now, it is new. But it have to be equipped again with all the software that I need. It will take time, of course to be the Lappie that is useful for me but I am glad it is alive. And it is cleaned from all the things that make it polluted.
Sounds familiar? Yeah, it is similar to human. Choosing to do what is right is always hard. Not easy. But you choose to do it because deep inside you, you know it is right and pleasing to God. Once you decided to do the right thing, you might face some hurtful refining process that God gonna put in your life in order to make you so much stronger. But because you are renewed, it might also take time for you to be equipped with all that God wants you too. But at least, you are not who you thought you were. You are made anew in Christ.
So welcome back, Lappie. I miss the old you but thank you for being alive again. Thank you for not letting me down and decided to stay alive. I will be patient and take care of you more. HAHAHA! Muah!
Screenshot of my New LAPPIE! :)
Labels: blessed, random, university
Truly, Malaysian.
POSTED ON: 09 May 2013 @ 12:23 AM | 0 comments
Someone posted about being Malaysian.
My friend: She is not Malaysian meh?
Me : You can be a Malaysian without truly knowing the real meaning of being a Malaysian.
Being a Malaysian takes so much more than what you think it is. It is about loving one another regardless religion, culture, financial level, ethnicity and status . It is about taking off whatever you are and going extra miles for one another. It is about compromising and the willingness to understand the beautiful differences we have that make each of us unique. It is about doing what best for our Malaysia. It's the heart of acceptance despite the differences knowing that we have one thing in common :
THE LOVE for MALAYSIANS and MALAYSIA.
Labels: blessed, God, heartforpeople, hope, justice, love, Malaysia, thought, unity
GREATER things have yet to come.
POSTED ON: 08 May 2013 @ 1:03 AM | 0 comments
You’re the God of this cityYou’re the King of these peopleYou’re the Lord of this nationYou areYou’re the light in this darknessYou’re the hope to the hopelessYou’re the peace to the restlessYou are
There is no one like our GodThere is no one like our God
Greater things have yet to comeAnd greater things are still to be done in this cityGreater things have yet to comeAnd greater things are still to be done in this city
You’re the God of this cityYou’re the King of these peopleYou’re the Lord of this nationYou are
You’re the light in this darknessYou’re the hope to the hopelessYou’re the peace to the restlessYou are
There is no one like our GodThere is no one like our God
Greater things have yet to comeAnd greater things are still to be done in this cityGreater things have yet to comeAnd greater things are still to be done in this city
With the placement of my Hope on my God, I trust with all my heart that great things are yet to come for this nation. I shall not give up and continue to be vessel and agent of change for Him. Let's not lose our sight on Him but keep our eyes on Him. For He is indeed the God, King and Lord of Malaysia. Thank you, Lord for your assurance and comfort that You are preparing us for great things.
Isaiah 40:29-31
He gives power to the weakand strength to the powerless.Even youths will become weak and tired,and young men will fall in exhaustion.But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.They will soar high on wings like eagles.They will run and not grow weary.They will walk and not faint.
Labels: blessed, faithfulness, God, love, Malaysia
Cherishing.
POSTED ON: 17 March 2013 @ 3:08 AM | 1 comments
Week five.
As the time flies without realising, the heart begins to have its own difficult phase of letting go too.
Many events took place. Left Jazz Band, went PKA Family camp, did insanity work-outs, laughed, had random night-outs and fellowships with people I know I would definitely miss when I sail to another chapter of life adventure.
It's the people that I will miss in this place ; be it PKA or Jazz Band. I know nothing is permanent physically. Nothing stays the same. People walks in and out in life...
But I promise,
I will smile when I thought of the things we did and endured.
For the remaining time that I am having, I pray of the same prayers every morning - To have His sensitive eyes and heart ; to be used as His vessel to demonstrate of His love. But everyday, I am so blessed by the people that He have sent to bless me. Maybe it is because the time is really short, I begin to notice and give thanks for the people God had sent to bless me. From them, I've learnt so much more. From them, God demonstrated His love.
I have nothing but contentment in me. I can ask for nothing more. But to walk even more faithfully in Him for this last semester. I remembered I told Him that I wanna grow in Him and to be equipped even more; to make this last semester even more impactful through Him.
Because of that, God had blessed me so much more. Just because I choose to follow Him. Just because I want to know Him more. Just because I choose Him instead of my desires. Just because I choose to seek Him in times that I cannot handle by myself. And there you go, God just lavishes unexpected loving blessings through people to me.
Even with a reluctant heart of knowing I will sail away to another chapter of life adventure with Him...I choose to cherish and embrace the remaining time I have by exhibiting His Love to people whom Him love. I will continue to finish this journey , by walking faithfully with Him, to love like Him ...for I know I am here in USM because it's is where He wanted me to be ; a destination of the life journey to equip me, mold me, shape me to finish the works He had instilled for me. For greater plans.
And so with all I am, I will march with the heart of cherishing towards the ending chapter of this destination with everything He wants me to learn, to see, to give and to receive, with the hope He will find me faithful.
''All my delight is in You Lord, all of my hopes, all of my strength.'
Labels: blessed, content, faith, friendship, God, journey, university
